Setting goals is one of the most common pieces of advice people hear when trying to grow their confidence, improve their life or achieve something meaningful. But here’s the problem: most people set goals that are too vague, too big or too disconnected from their current reality. When goals stay in the “dream” category, they rarely become achievements.

To make goals work for you, they need to be broken down into specific, achievable steps. These steps should be small enough to manage and clear enough to track. The process of setting and following through on action steps can be the difference between frustration and real momentum.

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Confidence in your abilities to go after your goals can sometimes be difficult to find or keep.

It can sometimes take time to discover the confidence you have inside you. This can be especially true if you are trying something new.

I have a program that can help you to discover what is holding you back from achieving your goals as well as help you set an attainable goal related to where you are in your life and where you are trying to be.

This program also works with you to build up your confidence in being able to reach your goal.

You can find out more about this program at Confidology, a funny name but a serious program.

You can contact me to talk about this or any other aspect of confidence and success at michael@coachmichaelw.com

Visit the site and read through the program description.

If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance

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Why Big Goals Alone Don’t Work

Saying, “I want to be successful” or “I want to lose weight” might sound inspiring, but they don’t give you a roadmap. Without clarity and structure, these goals fade fast. They’re not measurable, not trackable and certainly not actionable.

The more general a goal is, the more likely it is to fail. That’s not because the goal is bad, but because the plan is missing.

Let’s say your goal is to write a book. That’s a great long-term aim, but if that’s all you say to yourself — “write a book” — you’ll stay stuck at step zero. You need a method that helps you move, not just imagine.

Break Goals Into Chunks

The key to achieving big goals is breaking them into smaller, manageable pieces — action steps. Each action step becomes something you can do, measure and evaluate. These are not vague tasks. They’re clearly defined moves you can actually complete.

Instead of “write a book,” break it down like this:

• Outline the main idea and structure.
• Set a word count goal per day or week.
• Complete Chapter One by a specific date.
• Research publishing options in Month 3.

These are all measurable, clear and doable. They’re not about wishing — they’re about acting.

The Power of Action Steps

Action steps are more than just tasks — they’re commitments. Each one creates accountability. When you write them down, track them and review them regularly, you give yourself the structure to follow through. That builds confidence.

Use milestones to track progress. If your goal is to get fit, and one action is going to the gym three times a week, that becomes a concrete behaviour you can evaluate. Did you do it this week? Why or why not? What can you adjust?

Every completed step is a small win. Enough small wins become big success.

Writing Goals Down Makes Them Real

There’s a big difference between thinking about your goals and writing them down. Thoughts are slippery — they come and go. Written goals are solid. They give you something to return to, something to measure against and something to adjust when needed.

Use whatever system works best for you — paper planner, whiteboard app, or digital document. The key is consistency. You should see your goals and your current actions often. This keeps them present and top of mind.

Tip: Choose one system. Don’t try to manage both digital and physical tracking unless you’re disciplined about syncing them. Most people aren’t, and it ends up adding stress instead of clarity.

Be Realistic, Not Restrictive

Dreaming big is important — it gives you energy and purpose. But that doesn’t mean your steps have to be giant. Your goal might be big, but your daily effort doesn’t have to be overwhelming. The best action plans are ambitious but realistic.

A plan that stretches you is good. A plan that breaks you is not.

If your action steps feel too hard to stick with, revise them. Maybe your goal was to meditate 30 minutes daily, but you haven’t managed a full week. Cut it down to 10 minutes. Build the habit first, then grow it. The point is progress, not perfection.

Stumble? Evaluate and Adjust

No one follows a goal plan perfectly. Life happens. You’ll miss days. You’ll run into problems. That’s normal. The important thing is what you do after the stumble.

When you miss an action step, ask:

• Was this step too hard to complete?
• Did something external throw off my schedule?
• Was I not as motivated as I thought?

Then adjust. You might simplify the step, shift the schedule or break it down further. It’s not a failure — it’s feedback.

The ability to respond and adapt is a major part of building self-confidence. It means you’re in control of the process.

Roadblocks Are Part of the Process

Many people expect smooth sailing once they start following a goal plan. But obstacles are part of the journey. Every meaningful goal comes with challenges. That’s actually a good thing. Overcoming difficulties builds strength and belief in yourself.

When something gets hard, remind yourself: this is where growth happens. If it were easy, you wouldn’t even need a plan. Facing resistance is not a sign to quit — it’s a sign you’re moving into new territory.

Keep going. Adjust, learn and persist. Every time you push past a challenge, you reinforce the belief that you can handle more.

The Psychology of Smaller Steps

Small steps have a big psychological effect. They reduce overwhelm and increase your sense of control. When you know what you need to do today, and it’s achievable, you’re far more likely to do it.

This creates a confidence loop:

1. You complete a small task.
2. You feel capable.
3. You’re more motivated to do the next task.
4. Progress builds.

Compare that to vague or oversized goals, which tend to produce guilt, procrastination and stress. The smaller the step, the bigger the action you’re likely to take.

Build Momentum With Milestones

Set clear milestones — checkpoints along the path toward your big goal. These give you a sense of direction and measurable success. When you reach one, stop and acknowledge it. Celebrate it. Recognize the effort it took.

This isn’t about ego — it’s about fuel. Milestones keep you motivated. They let you know the work you’re doing is paying off.

Make It a System, Not a Sprint

Finally, don’t treat goal-setting as a one-time thing. It’s a system, not a sprint. You don’t just set goals, crush them and move on forever. Instead, you build the habit of managing goals — setting, breaking down, tracking, adjusting.

This system builds long-term confidence. You stop seeing setbacks as failures. You see them as signals to tweak the plan. That resilience is what makes some people keep going while others give up.

Bottom Line: Break It Down

Want to actually achieve your goals? Don’t just dream about them. Don’t just write them down and hope. Break them into real, specific action steps you can measure and track.

Keep it simple. Keep it doable. Keep it moving.

That’s how goals go from ideas to reality.

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To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.

Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

 

 

 

 

P.S Don’t forget to visit Confidology to learn more about the program. If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance

P.P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com

 

 

Photo by Ioana Trandafir on Unsplash

 

Do you find yourself always saying yes, even when it drains you? Are you the one who’s always available, always doing errands, always picking up the slack — because you just can’t say no?

If that hits close to home, you’re not alone. People-pleasing is incredibly common, especially for those raised to avoid conflict, seek approval or maintain the peace. But here’s the truth: constantly compromising your needs to make others comfortable doesn’t lead to peace — it leads to burnout, regret and a sense of being lost in your own life.

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Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.

One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.

I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.

You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.

Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.

You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

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It’s time to stop compromising. It’s time to reclaim your boundaries, your voice and your self-respect.

What Is People-Pleasing, Really?

At its core, people-pleasing is a pattern of behaviour where you prioritize others’ needs, desires and expectations over your own. It often shows up as chronic agreeableness, difficulty saying no and a fear of disapproval or rejection. It’s not kindness — it’s self-erasure.

While it might look like helpfulness on the surface, it’s often rooted in fear: fear of not being liked, fear of conflict, fear of being seen as selfish. The problem? That fear runs your life. And the more you feed it, the more it grows.

Where It Starts: The Teenage Trap

Most people-pleasing behaviour doesn’t start in early childhood — kids tend to be more naturally expressive and honest about their wants. Instead, this behaviour usually sets in during adolescence.

That’s when peer pressure, social dynamics and the need to belong kick in hard. Whether you were trying to fit in with the “cool” crowd or avoid becoming a target, the message was clear: don’t rock the boat. Be likeable. Be agreeable. Don’t make waves.

You may have started saying yes just to keep the peace, even when it meant doing things that didn’t feel authentic. And if no one ever challenged this pattern, it likely followed you into adulthood, shaping how you relate to coworkers, friends, partners — even your career choices.

The Cost of Always Compromising

When you say yes to everything and everyone, you’re not being “nice” — you’re saying no to yourself. Over time, that adds up.

You might end up:

• In relationships where your needs are sidelined
• In jobs you don’t love, chosen to meet others’ expectations
• Feeling resentful, burned out, or unfulfilled
• Unsure of who you really are or what you want

This isn’t just a minor inconvenience. Chronic self-compromise erodes your confidence and leaves you out of touch with your own identity.

Why It’s So Hard to Say No

Saying no feels threatening when you’ve tied your self-worth to being liked. You might worry people will be disappointed or angry. You might fear rejection or confrontation.

That’s because people-pleasing often goes hand-in-hand with low self-esteem. You may feel you need to earn love or respect by being agreeable, helpful or self-sacrificing. But that belief is a trap.

You don’t need to perform to be worthy of respect. You don’t have to exhaust yourself to be valuable. And you definitely don’t need to say yes just to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

Step One: Build Awareness

The first and most powerful step to breaking this pattern is awareness.

Ask yourself:

• Where did my people-pleasing begin?
• What situations trigger it?
• What am I afraid will happen if I say no?
• What do I believe about myself when I don’t please others?

When you name these thoughts, you weaken their power. You start to see the pattern for what it is — a coping mechanism, not a life sentence.

Step Two: Learn to Say No (Without Guilt)

Saying no doesn’t make you rude. It makes you honest.

Start small. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations:

• “Thanks for thinking of me, but I can’t commit to that right now.”
• “I appreciate the invite, but I’m going to pass.”
• “I’m not available, but I hope it goes well!”

You don’t need to over-explain or justify. A polite, respectful no is enough. And every time you say it, you reinforce the idea that your needs matter too.

Step Three: Reclaim Past Decisions Without Regret

Maybe you look back and realize you’ve compromised in big ways — jobs taken, relationships stayed in, goals abandoned. It’s tempting to beat yourself up or spiral into regret. Don’t.

Instead, try this:

• Identify what you gained. Even “wrong” choices can teach valuable lessons.
• Look for strengths you developed — resilience, empathy, adaptability.
• Ask yourself what those choices taught you about what you do want now.

You can’t change the past. But you can change how you relate to it — and use it to fuel better decisions moving forward.

Step Four: Set Boundaries Without Apologizing

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re filters. They protect your time, energy and self-respect.

To start setting boundaries:

• Get clear on what’s non-negotiable for you
• Communicate directly and respectfully
• Expect pushback — especially from those who benefit from your lack of boundaries

Remember: people may be disappointed, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong. You’re just changing the rules of engagement — and that’s healthy.

Step Five: Practice Self-Validation

If you’ve been living for external approval, it’s time to learn how to validate yourself.

That means:

• Acknowledging your wins, even small ones
• Honouring your needs and preferences
• Trusting your decisions, even when others don’t agree

The more you validate yourself internally, the less you rely on others to tell you you’re enough.

Moving Forward: Embrace Flexibility and Growth

Breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t about becoming inflexible or selfish. It’s about balance. When you stop overcompensating for others, you make space for more authentic relationships, honest communication and choices that reflect your true values.

You’ll find:

• A renewed sense of personal power
• Greater clarity in your goals and relationships
• More time and energy for what actually matters to you

And best of all — you’ll be living your own life, not the one you were pressured into.

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To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.

Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

 

 

 

 

P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

P.P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com

 

 

 

Photo by Misael Silvera on Unsplash

 

Low self-esteem doesn’t announce itself loudly. It’s subtle. It creeps in through constant self-doubt, quiet criticism and a sinking feeling that you’re not good enough. Over time, it builds a loop — a cycle of negative thoughts feeding off your own low confidence and shaping how others see and respond to you. This article offers a straightforward way to break that pattern. No fluff, no gimmicks. Just a few simple tools that, when practiced daily, will change how you see yourself and how the world sees you.

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Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.

One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.

I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.

You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.

Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.

You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

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How Low Self-Esteem Works

Low self-esteem is a mental trap. It begins with negative self-talk: “I’m not smart enough,” “I’ll mess this up,” “They probably don’t like me.” These thoughts impact how you present yourself — your body language, your tone, your energy. People pick up on that. They treat you accordingly. This, in turn, reinforces your own low opinion of yourself.

It’s a feedback loop:

1. You think negatively about yourself
2. You project low confidence
3. Others respond with indifference or dismissal
4. That reaction deepens your self-doubt

This spiral continues until you actively disrupt it.

Break the Cycle: Build a Positive Feedback Loop

The good news? The spiral works both ways. Positive thoughts lead to confident behaviour, which draws positive responses, reinforcing your sense of worth. This is called a virtuous circle.

You don’t have to fake confidence — you build it, one thought at a time. And the way to build it is through simple, intentional mental habits that reshape your subconscious.

These habits aren’t complicated. In fact, they’re surprisingly simple — but powerful when repeated over time.

3 Daily Mental Shifts That Build Confidence

Let’s call these mental habits mind weapons. Why? Because they fight back against the lies you’ve been telling yourself — and win.

1. The Fixed Positive Thought

This is your mental anchor. It’s one powerful, affirming thought about yourself — something you truly believe or want to believe — that you can call on whenever negativity creeps in.

Here’s how to create it:

• Choose a moment when you felt confident or proud of yourself
• Pair that moment with a song that lifts your mood
• Close your eyes, play the song and fully relive that moment in your mind
• Do this daily for 30 days

Over time, this memory-emotion pairing becomes automatic. You won’t need the song or the closed eyes. You’ll be able to activate it in seconds whenever self-doubt hits.

This practice trains your brain to access confidence on command.

2. Switch Thinking: Flip the Script

Low self-esteem distorts how you interpret situations. You assume the worst. Someone looks at you? They must think you’re weird. You stumble on your words? Everyone must think you’re stupid.

Switch thinking means consciously flipping that inner script.

Example:
You walk into a room and someone makes eye contact. Your default thought: “They’re judging me.”
Switch it to: “They noticed me because I look confident and interesting.”

Then act like that’s true. Smile, stand tall and walk with purpose.

Even if you don’t feel it yet, behaviour shapes belief. When you act confident, you start to feel it. And the best part? People begin to respond to the version of you that you’re showing them.

3. Critical Thinking: Take Control of Your Inner Dialogue

You can’t stop every negative thought from entering your mind — but you can control how long it stays.

Here’s how:

• When a self-critical thought shows up, mentally flag it
• Ask: Is this thought rational or emotional?
• If irrational, dismiss it. Let it pass through like background noise
• If it feels rational, engage with it briefly. Ask: Is this useful? Is this true? Does this help me grow or just hurt me?

If it’s a legitimate issue (like a mistake you made), use it as a lesson, not a weapon. Accept your imperfection. Say to yourself, “So what?” Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn’t make you unworthy.

Owning your flaws without letting them define you is the most confident thing you can do.

Consistency Builds Confidence

None of these tools work if you only use them once. Confidence isn’t a one-time decision — it’s a daily practice.

Use these mental shifts daily:

• Trigger your fixed positive thought whenever self-doubt arises
• Practice switch thinking in real-time social settings
• Use critical thinking to challenge inner negativity

Within 30 days, these habits become natural. You won’t need to remind yourself. You’ll think better thoughts by default. You’ll stand taller. Speak clearer. Feel stronger.

You’ll start noticing how people treat you differently — not because you changed who you are, but because you finally stopped hiding behind self-doubt.

What About Deeper Issues?

Sometimes, low self-esteem is linked to past trauma, chronic anxiety or ongoing negative relationships. These tools help, but if you’re facing something deeper, it’s worth talking to a therapist or counsellor. There’s no weakness in seeking help. In fact, it’s one of the boldest, most self-respecting moves you can make.

You Are Not Broken

Low self-esteem lies to you. It tells you you’re less than. That you’re not good enough. That other people are better, smarter, more lovable.

None of that is true.

What is true is that you can change how you think — and that change will shift everything. You don’t need to become someone else. You just need to start treating yourself like you matter.

Because you do.

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To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.

Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

 

 

 

 

P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

P.P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com

 

 

 

Photo by Dylan Brown on Unsplash

 

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we experience, and much of it isn’t rooted in reality — it’s rooted in your ego. If you’ve ever felt anxiety in social settings, hesitated before taking a risk or backed out of an opportunity because you “didn’t feel ready,” chances are your ego was behind it. The truth is, your ego loves fear. It feeds on it, thrives in it and uses it to protect what it believes is your identity. But that protection often becomes a prison.

---

Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.

One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.

I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.

You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.

Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.

You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

---

In this post, we’re unpacking the complicated relationship between fear and ego, and how understanding it can unlock confidence, growth, and inner peace.

What Exactly Is the Ego?

In psychology and spirituality, the ego refers to your sense of self — how you identify with your thoughts, beliefs, image and social role. It’s not inherently bad. Your ego helps you navigate the world, make decisions and define boundaries.

But the ego is also defensive. It’s constantly trying to protect your self-image, and it sees threats even where none exist. That’s where fear creeps in.

The ego thrives on comparison, judgment and control. It says, “I am this kind of person,” and it does everything in its power to keep that identity safe — even if that means avoiding growth, hiding from discomfort or sabotaging your success.

The Ego’s Favourite Weapon: Fear

Fear is one of the ego’s primary tools. Why? Because fear keeps you from doing anything that might shake your current identity or status. When your ego senses a challenge — like public speaking, confronting someone or making a big change — it floods your system with doubt and anxiety.

Fear becomes the mechanism your ego uses to keep you “safe,” even when that safety means staying stuck.

Common Ego-Fueled Fears:

• Fear of rejection: “What if they don’t like me?”
• Fear of failure: “What if I’m not good enough?”
• Fear of judgment: “What will people think?”
• Fear of success: “What if I can’t handle it?”

Notice how all of these fears centre around you — how you’re seen, what you achieve, what others think. That’s the ego talking.

How the Ego Talks to You

Self-talk is the ego’s voice. It can be positive or negative — both serve the ego in different ways.

Negative self-talk might sound like:

• “I’m not smart enough.”
• “I always mess things up.”
• “I’ll look stupid.”

Surprisingly, overly positive self-talk can also be ego-driven:

• “I’m better than them.”
• “I never make mistakes.”
• “I don’t need anyone’s help.”

In both cases, the ego is centering everything around “I” and “me.” That’s a red flag. When you catch yourself in these thought loops, pause and ask: Is this fear helping me grow, or is it keeping me small?

Real Fear vs. Psychological Fear

Let’s be clear: Not all fear is bad. Some fear is essential for survival. If you’re walking alone at night and your senses tell you something’s off, listen to that. That’s your intuition doing its job.

But most of the fear we experience isn’t life-threatening — it’s psychological. It’s the fear of uncertainty, discomfort, embarrassment or emotional pain. This kind of fear doesn’t protect you. It limits you.

Examples of psychological fear:

• Freezing before a job interview
• Avoiding conflict in a relationship
• Holding back from sharing your opinion
• Staying in a job you hate

These fears are stories created by your ego. And most of the time, they never play out. But by believing them, you miss opportunities to grow.

Why Fear Feels So Real

Your mind can’t always tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one. When the ego senses a “threat” to your identity — like failure, rejection or vulnerability — your body reacts with anxiety, tension and stress, just like it would in a truly dangerous situation.

This makes the fear feel valid. But that doesn’t mean it’s useful.

In fact, staying in that state of fear long-term can:

• Increase anxiety
• Kill your motivation
• Damage your relationships
• Lower your self-esteem

How to Loosen the Ego’s Grip

The goal isn’t to destroy your ego — it’s to recognize when it’s running the show and choose differently.

Here’s how to stop fear from ruling your life:

1. Observe Without Judgment

Start by simply noticing when fear shows up. Don’t try to push it away or fix it right away. Just pause and say: “That’s fear. That’s my ego talking.” Creating this distance helps you respond rather than react.

2. Challenge the Story

Fear is usually based on a story — something bad might happen. Ask yourself: Is this true? Is there real evidence? What else might be possible? Most of the time, fear collapses under the weight of logic.

3. Practice Presence

Fear lives in the future — in what could go wrong. But presence is always safe. Ground yourself in the present moment through breath, stillness or awareness of your surroundings. This brings you back to reality.

4. Expose Yourself to Growth

The more you do things that scare your ego, the less power fear holds. Speak up in meetings. Say yes to the opportunity. Have the tough conversation. Each small action chips away at the ego’s control.

5. Shift from “I” to “We”

When you focus less on yourself and more on connection, purpose, or service, fear diminishes. Instead of thinking “How will I look?” ask “How can I help?” or “What can I contribute?”

Confidence Doesn’t Come From Ego

Real confidence isn’t about proving yourself or projecting perfection. It comes from self-awareness, presence and action — even when you’re scared.

Confidence is built by doing the hard things, not by avoiding them. It’s saying, “I’m afraid — but I’m doing it anyway.” And with each step, the ego’s voice gets a little quieter.

You’re Not Your Fear

The biggest takeaway? You are not your ego. And you are definitely not your fear. Fear is a reaction — not an identity. It may show up, but it doesn’t have to take over.

Your ego may love fear because it helps keep you in control, but that control often comes at the cost of your potential. Let fear show up, acknowledge it and then move forward anyway.

You don’t have to live small. You don’t have to stay stuck. The life you want is on the other side of fear — and you’re strong enough to reach it.

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To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.

Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

 

 

 

 

P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

P.P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com

 

 

 

 

Photo by DAVOD on Unsplash

 

How you view the world significantly impacts your opportunities, choices and ultimate success. Your mindset is the foundation of your personal and professional life, shaping how you respond to challenges and whether you seize opportunities or let them pass by.

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Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.

One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.

I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.

You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.

Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.

You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program.

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People generally adopt one of two perspectives: an abundance mindset or a scarcity mindset. These two ways of thinking create vastly different experiences in life. If you operate from abundance, you see the world as full of opportunities and resources, while scarcity makes you believe there is never enough — whether it’s money, love, success or happiness.

So, what does each mindset look like in action, and how can you shift from scarcity to abundance?

What Is an Abundance Mindset?

An abundance mindset is rooted in optimism and possibility. It’s the belief that there is always enough to go around — enough wealth, success, happiness and love. People with an abundance mindset:

• See limitless opportunities in life.
• Believe success is achievable for everyone.
• Are willing to take risks and embrace challenges.
• Feel secure and relaxed, knowing that what they need will come to them.
• Share freely — whether it’s knowledge, money or time — without fearing loss.

With this mindset, people experience greater confidence, stronger relationships and more success. They see setbacks as learning experiences rather than failures, and they trust that life has more to offer.

The Downside of a Scarcity Mindset

In contrast, a scarcity mindset is based on fear, competition and limitation. This mindset makes people believe that:

• There’s never enough — whether it’s money, success or happiness.
• Winning means someone else must lose.
• Opportunities are rare and hard to come by.
• They must hold on tightly to what they have, fearing loss.
• Taking risks is dangerous and should be avoided.

People with a scarcity mindset tend to experience stress, anxiety and dissatisfaction. They often compare themselves to others, feel threatened by success and struggle with personal growth.

Key Differences Between Abundance and Scarcity Thinking

1. How You View Opportunities

• Abundance mindset: Believes opportunities are everywhere and actively seeks them out.
• Scarcity mindset: Believes opportunities are rare and easily missed.

2. Willingness to Take Risks

• Abundance mindset: Takes chances, believing that rewards outweigh risks.
• Scarcity mindset: Avoids risks due to fear of loss.

3. Approach to Success

• Abundance mindset: Sees success as limitless and available to all.
• Scarcity mindset: Sees success as a competition where only a few can win.

4. Response to Failure

• Abundance mindset: Views failure as a learning opportunity.
• Scarcity mindset: Sees failure as proof of inadequacy.

5. Generosity vs. Hoarding

• Abundance mindset: Freely shares resources, knowledge, and time.
• Scarcity mindset: Holds tightly to possessions and opportunities out of fear.

How to Shift from a Scarcity to an Abundance Mindset

If you recognize that you lean toward a scarcity mindset, don’t worry — it’s possible to train yourself to think abundantly. Here’s how:

1. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful way to rewire your brain. Focus on what you already have instead of what you lack. Each day, list three things you’re grateful for. This helps shift your focus from scarcity to abundance.

2. Give Generously

Scarcity thinking makes people hold on tightly to what they have. Break this habit by giving freely — whether it’s time, money or kindness. The more you give, the more you reinforce the idea that there’s always enough.

3. Change Your Self-Talk

Be mindful of the words you use. Instead of saying, “I’ll never get another opportunity like this,” say, “More opportunities are always coming my way.” Your words shape your mindset.

4. Surround Yourself with Abundance Thinkers

Your environment influences your thinking. Spend time with people who believe in possibilities, take risks and have a positive outlook. Avoid those who constantly complain or reinforce scarcity beliefs.

5. Develop a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset — coined by psychologist Carol Dweck — is closely related to an abundance mindset. It’s the belief that intelligence, skills and success can be developed over time. Instead of thinking you’re stuck where you are, believe that you can improve and grow with effort.

6. Take Calculated Risks

People with an abundance mindset take action despite uncertainty. Start with small risks — apply for that job, launch your business or try something new. Every time you step out of your comfort zone, you reinforce the belief that success is possible.

The Bottom Line

The way you view the world affects everything — from your career to your relationships to your happiness. If you believe the world is full of opportunities, you’ll find them. If you believe resources are scarce, you’ll struggle to see what’s right in front of you.

The good news? You have the power to change your mindset. Start by practising gratitude, taking small risks and surrounding yourself with positivity. With time, you’ll experience more confidence, success and joy — proving that abundance was always there, waiting for you to see it.

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To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.

Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

 

 

 

 

P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life. 

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program

 

 

 

Photo by Alonso Reyes on Unsplash