Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we experience, and much of it isn’t rooted in reality — it’s rooted in your ego. If you’ve ever felt anxiety in social settings, hesitated before taking a risk or backed out of an opportunity because you “didn’t feel ready,” chances are your ego was behind it. The truth is, your ego loves fear. It feeds on it, thrives in it and uses it to protect what it believes is your identity. But that protection often becomes a prison.
Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.
One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.
I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.
You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.
Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.
You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life.
The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download
Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.
If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program
In this post, we’re unpacking the complicated relationship between fear and ego, and how understanding it can unlock confidence, growth, and inner peace.
What Exactly Is the Ego?
In psychology and spirituality, the ego refers to your sense of self — how you identify with your thoughts, beliefs, image and social role. It’s not inherently bad. Your ego helps you navigate the world, make decisions and define boundaries.
But the ego is also defensive. It’s constantly trying to protect your self-image, and it sees threats even where none exist. That’s where fear creeps in.
The ego thrives on comparison, judgment and control. It says, “I am this kind of person,” and it does everything in its power to keep that identity safe — even if that means avoiding growth, hiding from discomfort or sabotaging your success.
The Ego’s Favourite Weapon: Fear
Fear is one of the ego’s primary tools. Why? Because fear keeps you from doing anything that might shake your current identity or status. When your ego senses a challenge — like public speaking, confronting someone or making a big change — it floods your system with doubt and anxiety.
Fear becomes the mechanism your ego uses to keep you “safe,” even when that safety means staying stuck.
Common Ego-Fueled Fears:
- Fear of rejection: “What if they don’t like me?”
- Fear of failure: “What if I’m not good enough?”
- Fear of judgment: “What will people think?”
- Fear of success: “What if I can’t handle it?”
Notice how all of these fears centre around you — how you’re seen, what you achieve, what others think. That’s the ego talking.
How the Ego Talks to You
Self-talk is the ego’s voice. It can be positive or negative — both serve the ego in different ways.
Negative self-talk might sound like:
- “I’m not smart enough.”
- “I always mess things up.”
- “I’ll look stupid.”
Surprisingly, overly positive self-talk can also be ego-driven:
- “I’m better than them.”
- “I never make mistakes.”
- “I don’t need anyone’s help.”
In both cases, the ego is centering everything around “I” and “me.” That’s a red flag. When you catch yourself in these thought loops, pause and ask: Is this fear helping me grow, or is it keeping me small?
Real Fear vs. Psychological Fear
Let’s be clear: Not all fear is bad. Some fear is essential for survival. If you’re walking alone at night and your senses tell you something’s off, listen to that. That’s your intuition doing its job.
But most of the fear we experience isn’t life-threatening — it’s psychological. It’s the fear of uncertainty, discomfort, embarrassment or emotional pain. This kind of fear doesn’t protect you. It limits you.
Examples of psychological fear:
- Freezing before a job interview
- Avoiding conflict in a relationship
- Holding back from sharing your opinion
- Staying in a job you hate
These fears are stories created by your ego. And most of the time, they never play out. But by believing them, you miss opportunities to grow.
Why Fear Feels So Real
Your mind can’t always tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one. When the ego senses a “threat” to your identity — like failure, rejection or vulnerability — your body reacts with anxiety, tension and stress, just like it would in a truly dangerous situation.
This makes the fear feel valid. But that doesn’t mean it’s useful.
In fact, staying in that state of fear long-term can:
- Increase anxiety
- Kill your motivation
- Damage your relationships
- Lower your self-esteem
How to Loosen the Ego’s Grip
The goal isn’t to destroy your ego — it’s to recognize when it’s running the show and choose differently.
Here’s how to stop fear from ruling your life:
1. Observe Without Judgment
Start by simply noticing when fear shows up. Don’t try to push it away or fix it right away. Just pause and say: “That’s fear. That’s my ego talking.” Creating this distance helps you respond rather than react.
2. Challenge the Story
Fear is usually based on a story — something bad might happen. Ask yourself: Is this true? Is there real evidence? What else might be possible? Most of the time, fear collapses under the weight of logic.
3. Practice Presence
Fear lives in the future — in what could go wrong. But presence is always safe. Ground yourself in the present moment through breath, stillness or awareness of your surroundings. This brings you back to reality.
4. Expose Yourself to Growth
The more you do things that scare your ego, the less power fear holds. Speak up in meetings. Say yes to the opportunity. Have the tough conversation. Each small action chips away at the ego’s control.
5. Shift from “I” to “We”
When you focus less on yourself and more on connection, purpose, or service, fear diminishes. Instead of thinking “How will I look?” ask “How can I help?” or “What can I contribute?”
Confidence Doesn’t Come From Ego
Real confidence isn’t about proving yourself or projecting perfection. It comes from self-awareness, presence and action — even when you’re scared.
Confidence is built by doing the hard things, not by avoiding them. It’s saying, “I’m afraid — but I’m doing it anyway.” And with each step, the ego’s voice gets a little quieter.
You’re Not Your Fear
The biggest takeaway? You are not your ego. And you are definitely not your fear. Fear is a reaction — not an identity. It may show up, but it doesn’t have to take over.
Your ego may love fear because it helps keep you in control, but that control often comes at the cost of your potential. Let fear show up, acknowledge it and then move forward anyway.
You don’t have to live small. You don’t have to stay stuck. The life you want is on the other side of fear — and you’re strong enough to reach it.
To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.
Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.
Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.
Nothing happens until action is taken.
To your success.
Michael
P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching
P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.
P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life.
The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download
Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.
P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program
P.P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com
