The Timid Person’s Solution to Standing Up for Yourself

2017-11-09 ~ adminlife

Some of us are much better at standing up for ourselves than others. While some people can get worked up a little too easily and make a mountain out of a molehill, others are just the opposite. They’re so afraid of conflict that they always let everyone else have their own way.

This approach can be very damaging. Always giving in to others negatively affects your self-esteem and it sends the message to others that you are a push-over. When this happens, it encourages others to continue treating you in a disrespectful manner.

While there are many ways to express yourself, the healthiest option is to be assertive. The assertive approach is all about expressing your needs, concerns, and opinions. This needs to be done openly, honestly, and directly while still being respectful of the other person.

A great first step is to practice your assertiveness in lower-stress situations like these:

Order some food in a restaurant and send it back. Nearly every meal has something less than spectacular about it. Maybe the steak is too salty or the drink doesn’t have enough ice. Ask to have the problem rectified.
Walk into a fast food restaurant and request a glass of water without ordering anything. You might get turned down, but that’s fine. You’re successful if you make the request. The result is irrelevant.
Always give your opinion. If someone asks you what movie you want to see or what you feel like eating, tell them. No matter what you’re asked, give a direct answer. Avoid saying things like, “I don’t care,” or “It doesn’t matter to me,” or “Whatever you want.”
Compliment a stranger. Give a sincere compliment to a complete stranger. If you notice something that appeals to you, mention it to them. That’s it. You might even make a friend or get a date out of the deal. Certainly you can say, “Wow, those are really great shoes.”

Once you feel more comfortable with being assertive in low-stress situations, you’re ready for the big leagues.

Use those newfound assertiveness skills the next time you need to speak up for yourself:

Plan ahead, if possible. Give yourself every opportunity for success. Pick a time and place that makes it easier for you to speak up. Control the details to allow yourself to be as comfortable as possible. If your need to speak up is regarding a more spontaneous issue, this step won’t apply as much.
Remind yourself that you’re important. If you struggle to stand up for yourself, you’re most likely very good at accommodating everyone else. Give yourself the same treatment! Accommodate your own needs for a change.
Before the conversation, imagine your success at being assertive. See yourself being confident, comfortable, and assertive – and then getting what you want in the situation!
When you have the conversation, use “I” statements:

Give the other person a report of your feelings. For example: “I feel disrespected whenever you’re late meeting me. It leads me to feel that you don’t respect me or my time.” If you’re dealing with a stranger while you’re out on the town, you might say “I don’t appreciate being spoken to in that tone.”
Request a new behavior from the other person. Let them know what you need to feel better about the situation. “From now on, I would like for us to agree on times that you will be able to accommodate.”

Evaluate your effort. When you have the time, examine how you performed and see if you could be more effective in getting what you want or need. Be sure to congratulate yourself for speaking up!

Standing up for yourself can be challenging, but it’s worth the time to get into the habit. You’ll strengthen your self-esteem and bring more joy into your life. We all train others how to treat us, whether we realize it or not. Be sure you’re training them to treat you the way you deserve!

To your success.

Michael W

P.S. If you want to learn more about building and developing your confidence, you are invited to visit Confidence and Motivation. This membership site has a level that will be just right for the level of confidence that you want to reach.

P.P.S. If you are on Facebook, check out Develop Confidence in Yourself. Here you will get access to articles and videos related to developing your confidence levels.

Part 1 – Your Path to Success

2017-06-15 ~ adminlife

Discover Your Path to Success – Part 1

Success can easily be compared to the “genie trapped in a bottle.” For many of us, it is a matter of finding a way to open the bottle, and then, follow a specific path. This path is filled with pitfalls, and traps, along the way, so it is wise to expand your vision by learning as you go.

To many people, success is a “fairytale” and as elusive as a Yeti. In reality, success is just around the corner, and sometimes already exists, as hidden treasure. I am not talking about sunken ships or Indiana Jones. What I am referring to are skills you already possess, friends and family who will help you, and accomplishments that you already have made.

When you put these hidden treasures, together, with your end goal in mind, you are on your way toward success. Now let’s look at a way to move forward every day, live a quality life, and help everyone around you, in the process.

Write all of your goals down, and keep them in a place that you will see. This could be on a piece of paper in your pocket, on your desk top, in a notebook, in your diary, or on your smart phone. Wherever you put this information, it should be a place where you will see it, every day.

Separate realistic from lofty goals, but don’t throw lofty goals out. Also, separate short-term goals, from long-term goals, and design estimated time frames, for measured results. You don’t have to share this with anyone, unless they share the same goal. If you have, at least, one close friend, spouse, or family, who shares the same dream, you are in a very strong position.

However, you don’t need to be a “politician” to be successful, if you learn to focus on your goals, every day. Now we have to go over a few questions that will also help you design your road map toward success.

Will your goals hurt anyone? Will you have to step on anyone to get what you want?

If you answered yes to either one of the above questions, you should redefine your goal or goals, so you can achieve it or them without harming anyone in the process. If that is not possible, throw that goal out, and move on. Your goals should help people and be morally sound.

Do you have a real passion for your goals?

This one is also important because, if your goal is “flipping burgers” for money, it won’t be long, before that gets old. I have yet to meet the person, who has a real passion for flipping burgers. Please don’t get me wrong, some people are very good at it, but I have known many short order cooks, who wish they were doing something else besides “slaving” over a hot stove.

What you choose, must be something you love doing, and the money will follow. There are so many people, who craft an occupation, based upon money alone, and learn to regret it. If you have a purpose in life you have “self-worth.” Self-worth is a very valuable hidden treasure.

Part 2 will follow shortly and add to the material presented here to help you discover your path to success.

To your success

Michael W

P.S. Are you frustrated that you are not reaching your ultimate level of success? Do you desire to be more confident and successful? Fantastic. Let me help you.

As a Life Coach, I have set myself a goal of helping 8 people by providing confidence coaching before mid-summer and so I am offering 2 free coaching sessions to the first 8 people that put their hand up. Only do so if you are ready to make the shifts in your life that you desire.

Simply email me at michael@youaresuccesslifecoach.com to get started now and we can start the process of getting together to help you develop your confidence level.

Are you ready to reach the level of success that you know you desire?

Get A Fulfilling Life

2016-11-03 ~ adminlife

Is your life really not as fulfilling as you would like it to be?

Do you constantly think that your life should be better but you are not sure what areas really need to be considered and how you can improve those areas?

If you can gain an understanding of the areas in your life that are holding you back and then make sometimes, minor changes to those ares, your life and the lives of those around you can be improved.

The question is “How do I gain that understanding?”

Daily Reflections

One answer would be Daily Reflections, a series of books that provide 30 short articles or reflections on areas of life and give you questions that you can think about that will lead you to making the changes that can help to move your life forward.

Yes, you do have to think and implement the changes suggested but these are your changes, so that they would be accepted by your subconscious and would be more readily put into practice by you.

Daily Reflections guides you in an easy to read and understand manner so that you do not feel overwhelmed with the information presented and can use the material immediately in your life.

You can read more about Daily Reflections and learn how to order them by clicking on the button below.

To your success

Michael W

If you need to contact Michael you can use the contact form below

Creative Visualization Described

2016-10-312016-10-30 ~ adminlife

What is “Creative Visualization”?

In the past decade or so, there has been much talk about something that is age-old, but now has a name. That name is “creative visualization”.

You’ve probably heard the term before in the news, or reading a magazine. Several celebrities – especially those into self-help – have touted creative visualization as the next great thing. But you don’t need to be a self-help guru to understand where the theory of creative visualization comes from.

To be clear, visualization isn’t really a technique at all. It’s a process one embarks on that is kind of like meditation in that there is the intent to focus on one thing, which lets the rest fall away. In meditation, the concentration (especially for those that are new to it) is usually on breathing. Creative visualization centers the mind on a specific reality or outcome. Maybe it is a desired experience you want to have, or a material object you want to attain. Maybe it is a sense of calm, or wellness you’re trying to achieve. These are all common visualization topics.

Visualization is also not a new process. Since time immortal, thinking people have utilized visualization to attain that which they desired, but had not yet received or what they wanted to create. Think, for a moment, about the artist. It doesn’t matter what media is used, the artist must first visualize the outcome – the final product – whether it is a painting, musical score, or dance choreography. In utilizing creative visualization, one is better able to control the outcome, because that outcome has been focused on to the exclusion of all else.

Creative visualization is a sensory process that involves all the senses together. For instance, if your goal was to learn to ride horses, you would imagine how it would feel to ride your horse at a lope confidently, how the wind would rush past you, and how it would feel to be one with the horse. You would imagine how the horse would smell, of hay and grain, and imagine how the trees and sky would look going past as you rode. You’d hear the thump of the horse’s hooves, and hear him breathing heavily. By imagining the entire experience, you’re better able to focus on what actual action needs to be taken for that experience to occur.

Creative visualization can also be used to change habits. If you are a nail biter, imagine how having long, beautiful nails would look and feel, and how proud you would finally be of your hands.

These are the types of creative visualization that can change lives!

To your success

Michael W

Are You Too Self-Critical – 12 Signs To Look For

2016-10-202016-10-18 ~ adminlife

12 Signs That You’re Being Too Self-Critical

It’s admirable to do your best and attempt to be the best person you can be. It only makes sense to examine your negative results in life and try to do better the next time. But it’s also easy to become too self-critical. A high level of self-criticism is detrimental to success and good mental health. Excessive self-criticism hurts your self-esteem and confidence.

Consider these signs that you might be too critical of yourself:

You’re paralyzed. One sign that you’re overly critical toward yourself is a lack of action. If you’ve been stuck in the same situation for an extended period of time, you’re too hard on yourself. Otherwise, you’d be out there taking care of business and making positive changes to your life.
You’re slow to forgive others. When you can’t forgive yourself, you’re unable to forgive others. When you can let go and forgive yourself, you can do the same for the other people in your life.
You’re never pleased with your accomplishments. It doesn’t matter to you that you shaved 10 minutes off your best 10K time or graduated from medical school. You’re bothered by the fact that you didn’t win the race or attend Harvard medical school.
You’re not assertive. You have to be comfortable with yourself to feel comfortable with asserting yourself. Assertiveness also brings the risk of rejection. Being too self-critical can increase the fear of rejection from others.
You consistently say bad things to yourself. There’s little harm in a small amount of negative self-talk. But a constant barrage of self-criticism is highly damaging. Imagine telling your child that they can’t do anything right and should give up trying. It sounds crazy when viewed from that perspective.
You’re a chronic underachiever. Underachieving is both a symptom and a cause of self-criticism. Consistent underachieving is a call to action!
Others feel comfortable being critical of you. The average person isn’t comfortable criticizing others. However, after they’ve heard you criticize yourself repeatedly, they’re likely to feel they can join in on the criticism.
You criticize yourself in general terms, rather than just for specific events. There’s a difference between telling yourself that you’re not a good tennis player and telling yourself that you’re not good at anything. General criticism is false and highly damaging.

A lack of success at a particular activity doesn’t make you flawed at everything. It’s illogical.

You keep your opinions to yourself. While you have every reason to avoid telling your neighbor she looks fat in her dress, you should feel comfortable sharing the title of your favorite book. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your opinions freely, you’re too concerned about being judged by others or saying the wrong thing.
You spend too much time dwelling on your mistakes. Can you move on quickly after a short period of self-reflection or do you dwell on your mistakes for an extended period of time?
You find yourself unable to ask for help. It shouldn’t be difficult to ask for help. In fact, the more help the better! Are you afraid of being viewed as incapable? If so, you’re too critical of yourself.
You can’t give yourself a single compliment. Everyone is good at something. Or maybe you know you’re good at a few things but don’t think you deserve a compliment. Either way, you’re being too hard on yourself.

You’re sabotaging yourself by being overly self-critical. You limit both your success and your mood. Realize how much you harm yourself with self-criticism. Learn from your mistakes and apply the information with enthusiasm.

To your success

Michael W