What we believe becomes the lens through which we see the world — and ourselves. The problem? A lot of us are walking around with beliefs that don’t just dim our confidence — they wreck it. These aren’t just harmless thoughts. They’re destructive mental loops that sabotage our progress, keep us stuck and drain our self-worth.
But here’s the good news: beliefs are not permanent. They’re habits of thought. And like any habit, they can be changed.
Confidence in your abilities to go after your goals can sometimes be difficult to find or keep.
It can sometimes take time to discover the confidence you have inside you. This can be especially true if you are trying something new.
I have a program that can help you to discover what is holding you back from achieving your goals as well as help you set an attainable goal related to where you are in your life and where you are trying to be.
This program also works with you to build up your confidence in being able to reach your goal.
You can find out more about this program at Confidology, a funny name but a serious program.
You can contact me to talk about this or any other aspect of confidence and success at michael@coachmichaelw.com
Visit the site and read through the program description.
If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance
If you want real confidence — grounded, unshakable confidence — start with the root: your beliefs. Below are six of the most common self-destructive beliefs, how they’re ruining your momentum, and what to replace them with instead.
1. “I’ll Never Have the Life I Want”
This belief is self-sabotage in disguise. It convinces you to give up before you’ve even started. Why? Because it feels easier to quit than to risk failure.
But here’s the reality: no one builds the life they want without struggle, setbacks and effort. If you decide your dreams are unreachable, you give up the only power that can make them happen — your ability to act.
What to do instead:
- Flip the script: “I’m working every day toward the life I want — and here’s what I can do today.”
- Break big goals into small, doable steps. Progress is the antidote to despair.
- Track your wins, no matter how small. They remind you that momentum is real.
This shift turns hopelessness into agency. And agency is where confidence lives.
2. “It’s Just Like My Mom Said — I’ll Never Amount to Anything”
Maybe it wasn’t your mom. Maybe it was a teacher, an ex, or someone else who made you feel small. Their voice stuck — and now it sounds like your own. This belief is especially toxic because it comes laced with guilt, shame and unresolved pain.
But here’s the thing: just because someone said something about you doesn’t make it true.
Why this belief needs to go:
- Your identity doesn’t belong to your past.
- Even if someone else shaped your early thoughts, you get to shape the rest.
- Loyalty to old pain keeps you from loyalty to your potential.
Replace it with: “I decide who I become through my choices today—not someone else’s opinion yesterday.”
Confidence grows when you stop letting someone else’s script define your story.
3. “I’m Not Attractive Enough to Find Love”
This one’s more common than most people admit. We compare ourselves to filtered influencers and end up believing we’re not worthy of love unless we meet some impossible standard.
Here’s the truth: attraction isn’t just about looks. And connection definitely isn’t about perfection.
Reality check:
- Look around — people of all shapes, sizes and appearances find love every day.
- Confidence, warmth, humour, kindness and emotional intelligence are all wildly attractive traits.
- You don’t have to be “hot.” You have to be real, and open and ready.
New belief to adopt: “I’m worthy of love as I am — and I’m working on becoming the best version of myself, for me.”
Confidence isn’t built in the mirror. It’s built in how you show up.
4. “This Is Just the Way Life Is — I Can’t Change Anything”
This fatalistic mindset is a dream killer. It convinces you to surrender to your circumstances instead of fighting for better ones. It strips you of your power and excuses inaction.
Here’s what’s real:
- You may not control everything, but you always control something.
- Every small choice — what you eat, how you speak to yourself, what you prioritize — creates momentum.
- People reinvent themselves every day. Why not you?
Rewrite the belief: “My life is built one decision at a time — and I can change direction whenever I choose.”
The moment you accept responsibility, you take back the steering wheel. And confidence follows.
5. “I’m Not Smart Enough to Get the Career I Want”
This belief keeps people stuck in jobs they hate, underestimating themselves and never even trying for better. But intelligence isn’t fixed, and most jobs don’t require you to be a genius. They require grit, learning, and action.
Let’s reframe it:
- Intelligence isn’t what you were born with — it’s what you build.
- Employers don’t just want “smart” — they want problem-solvers, communicators and people who get things done.
- You can learn new skills. You can improve. You can become competent — and then confident.
New mindset: “I might not know everything now, but I can learn anything I need.”
That belief alone will take you further than raw talent ever could.
6. “Money Problems Just Follow Me — I Can’t Fix Them”
This is one of the most damaging beliefs people carry — and it’s usually formed after years of financial stress, fear and guilt. But believing your money situation is out of your hands only guarantees one thing: it will stay that way.
Here’s the truth:
- Your finances are a skill set, not a moral judgment.
- Budgeting, saving and building wealth are learnable.
- Even small income earners can build security with the right habits.
What to do next:
- Track your spending — clarity is step one.
- Create a simple, sustainable budget.
- Get support: a book, a coach, a money-savvy friend. There’s no shame in learning.
New belief: “I’m capable of mastering my money — step by step.”
When you take control of your finances, your confidence skyrockets. Nothing feels better than freedom.
Confidence Starts With What You Believe
Confidence isn’t just about what you do. It’s about what you believe when no one’s watching.
If your mind is filled with thoughts like, “I’m not enough,” or “Things will never get better,” then of course you’ll feel stuck. But once you replace those lies with empowering truths, everything starts to shift.
You stop waiting. You start acting. You stop shrinking. You start showing up.
So start today. Pick one belief that’s been dragging you down — and rewrite it. Then act like it’s already true. That’s how confidence is built: one thought, one step, one win at a time.
To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.
Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.
Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.
Nothing happens until action is taken.
To your success.
Michael
P.S Don’t forget to visit Confidology to learn more about the program. If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance
P.P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching
P.P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.
P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com
