Confidence isn’t about pretending life is easy. It’s not about telling yourself you’re perfect or chanting affirmations in the mirror until you believe them. Real confidence is grounded in reality. It’s about staring hard truths in the face, owning your situation and moving forward with clarity and grit.
Confidence in your abilities to go after your goals can sometimes be difficult to find or keep.
It can sometimes take time to discover the confidence you have inside you. This can be especially true if you are trying something new.
I have a program that can help you to discover what is holding you back from achieving your goals as well as help you set an attainable goal related to where you are in your life and where you are trying to be.
This program also works with you to build up your confidence in being able to reach your goal.
You can find out more about this program at Confidology, a funny name but a serious program.
You can contact me to talk about this or any other aspect of confidence and success at michael@coachmichaelw.com
Visit the site and read through the program description.
If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance
If you’re serious about building real, lasting confidence, you have to be willing to drop the illusions and take a hard look at how the world actually works. These five brutal truths may sting at first, but they’ll give you the clarity and power to take full control of your life.
1. Most People Only Care About Themselves
Let’s not sugarcoat it: most people are driven by self-interest. They’re focused on their needs, goals, problems and survival. That doesn’t mean they’re bad people — it just means they’re human.
People want value. If you’re not providing something meaningful — whether it’s knowledge, entertainment, love, support, leadership or results — they’re unlikely to prioritize you.
What this means for you:
- If you want recognition, respect or influence, you need to create value.
- Build skills. Offer something that solves problems or improves lives.
- Don’t take it personally when others don’t notice your efforts. It’s not about you; it’s about what you bring to the table.
Confidence comes from knowing your value and from being someone who delivers. Trying to win everyone over through niceness or hoping to be appreciated just for existing will leave you bitter and burnt out.
2. The Universe Doesn’t Owe You Anything
The universe isn’t for you or against you — it’s indifferent. It doesn’t hand out rewards for being a good person. It doesn’t punish you for making mistakes. It simply is.
You’re a single human on a planet spinning through space, surrounded by billions of other people and an even greater number of living organisms. You are not the centre of it all.
Why this matters:
- When you stop expecting the universe to “have your back,” you stop waiting around and start acting.
- You become accountable for your outcomes. That’s real power.
- Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to people who hustle. Life isn’t fair, but it is yours to shape.
Confidence grows when you stop playing the victim and start playing the game. Understand the rules, make your moves, and accept that the world doesn’t hand out trophies — you have to earn them.
3. Your Support System Isn’t Guaranteed
Your friends and family may love you, but they have limits. They won’t always pick up the phone. They won’t always show up. They might be dealing with their own problems or simply unable to help.
That’s not betrayal — it’s reality.
What to do about it:
- Become self-reliant. Learn to handle your own finances, emotions and responsibilities.
- Know how to navigate the hard days without expecting someone else to carry you through them.
- Build a diverse network — not just emotionally but practically. Don’t rely on just one person or group for support.
Being able to stand on your own gives you quiet, unshakable confidence. You know you can survive. You know you can pivot. That’s not lonely — it’s liberating.
4. You Can’t Fix or Control Other People
Most of us have wasted years trying to change someone — partners, family, friends. We believe that if we just love harder, explain better or push the right buttons, they’ll change.
They won’t. Not unless they want to. And even then, change is brutally hard.
What this teaches you:
- You can influence others, but you can’t control them. And trying to control them usually backfires.
- People resist change — even the change they say they want.
- If it’s hard for you to break your own habits, imagine how hard it is for someone who doesn’t even see a problem.
The confident move? Stop trying to manage other people. Focus on your boundaries, your values and your standards. Decide who you want in your life based on reality, not potential.
5. Failure Is Inevitable — and Necessary
If you’re avoiding failure, you’re also avoiding success. Every meaningful achievement is built on a foundation of missteps, rejections and false starts.
Failure is feedback. That’s all. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or stupid or cursed. It just means your approach didn’t work this time.
To build confidence through failure:
- Normalize it. Expect it. Laugh at it. Study it.
- Build resilience — not just for the outcome you want but for the process it takes to get there.
- Stop seeing failure as a signal to quit. See it as a step forward.
Once you stop fearing failure, you become bold. You start taking shots others are too scared to try. You stop waiting for certainty and start moving with purpose. That’s when your confidence explodes.
The Big Picture: You’re On Your Own — and That’s a Good Thing
Nobody’s coming to save you. That’s not cynical — it’s clarifying. When you truly understand that you’re responsible for your life, your choices and your path, you start to act like the main character.
You take responsibility for your success. You build the habits. You take the risks. You decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re willing to chase.
This is where real, durable confidence is born — not in wishing for a better world, but in accepting reality and taking control of your role in it.
Truth is a Tool
These truths may seem harsh, but they’re tools — tools for clarity, strength and personal freedom. When you stop expecting the world to be easy or fair, you start operating on real terms.
And when you do that, confidence isn’t just a feeling — it’s a force.
To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.
Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.
Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.
Nothing happens until action is taken.
To your success.
Michael
P.S Don’t forget to visit Confidology to learn more about the program. If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance
P.P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching
P.P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.
P.P.P.P.S. I have posted a series of articles on the “Fear of Success” at Confidence and Life Coaching. You can also request a free PDF of all 4-articles by sending me an email message at michael@coachmichaelw.com
Photo by Claudio Schwarz on Unsplash
