Overcome Your Fear of Confrontation and Get What You Want More Often

Confrontation can be scary. Most of us were raised with the idea that we shouldn’t upset others. Confrontation has a negative connotation, but it shouldn’t. Confrontation doesn’t have to be negative or hostile. Confrontation is addressing behavior you don’t like with the intention of finding a resolution.

Confrontation can be intimidating if you’ve made a habit of avoiding it your entire life. It takes courage to address a situation in a new way. A few positive results could change your opinion about confrontation!

Handle confrontation maturely and calmly with these ideas:

1. Most “confrontations” aren’t confrontations at all. Those that cringe from confrontation are actually afraid of sharing their opinion. That’s not a confrontation. You have just as much right to your opinion as anyone else and have every right to share it in most circumstances. Sharing ideas isn’t confrontation.
2. Understand what’s bothering you. Do you really have a reason to be bothered or are your expectations unreasonable? Everyone is unreasonable at times. Perhaps it’s just your turn. Ask a friend for his opinion if you’re uncertain.
3. Determine the desired outcome. What would you like to see happen? Be specific and ask yourself if that’s a reasonable expectation. Be positive. Know what you want, not just what you wish to avoid. Avoiding a specific outcome leaves you open to countless others. How can you know it won’t get even worse?
   
4. Be prepared. When you’re confronting someone, trying to handle the situation spontaneously isn’t ideal. Take the time you need to prepare, if possible. Think of what you need to say and how you should say it. Your tone is important.
   
5. Take control of the situation. Be the first to address the situation. You have more control and can set the tone for the remainder of the encounter. Be calm, cool, and collected, and the other person is likely to follow suit. If you’re hostile, expect hostility in return.
6. Ask questions. Ensure that you fully understand the situation before making any requests. You may misunderstand the current situation. Maybe there’s no need for a confrontation at all.
7. Stick to the facts. When you stray from the facts, you’re viewed as reaching. If you can’t make a legitimate claim with the facts you possess, more research is necessary.
8. Let the other person know what you want, rather than request they cease a behavior. “I want you to arrive to work on time” instead of “I want you to stop being late.” Keep your request in a positive form. Avoid feeling anxious about your request. It’s just a request.
9. Address behavior, but avoid assuming you know the motives of the other person. “When you’re late, I feel like you don’t care” is more effective than “I know you’re always late because you don’t care about my feelings.” You don’t know what the other person is thinking until you’re told. Making assumptions puts others on the offensive.
   .
10. Stay calm. Good things can happen when you remain calm. Any escalation in emotion will create more drama. Avoid taking anything personally. Share your opinion and let your request be known. Stay calm even if the other person becomes angry.

Confrontation can be positive. Confrontation provides an opportunity to improve the current situation. It’s normal to be anxious at the prospect of confronting another person, but avoid letting that stop you from sticking up for yourself. You’re entitled to your opinion. Learn to share it effectively.

Keys to Personal Development: Be the Tortoise and Win

Modern life is all about getting things done quickly. Microwave ovens, streaming movies, and cell phones perpetuate this lifestyle. However, personal development is more effective when done slowly. Significant changes take time. It’s also about the journey. The process of changing can be more meaningful than the benefits gained by the change.

Why personal development takes time:

1. Old habits take time to extinguish. It’s not easy to quit smoking or give up candy. It’s also not easy to stop thinking negative thoughts or procrastinating. Your current habits limit your life, enjoyment, and success. Even when you recognize their negative effects, though, it still takes time to get used to new ways.
2. If it were quick and easy, everyone would be successful. To attain a high level of success in any area of your life, time and effort are required. There are no shortcuts to success. Accept that developing yourself is an ongoing process that will continue for the rest of your life. You’ll avoid the urge to rush.
3. New habits take time to form. It common to hear that new habits require 21 days, 30 days, or 42 days. The truth is that it varies. Studies have shown that habits can require as long as 9 months to be established. It depends on the habit and the person. Real change requires the development of new, effective habits.
4. Your desires will change. When you’re hungry, all you want is food. When you’re lonely, all you desire in companionship. As your needs are met, your goals will change. It’s impossible to predict what you’ll want five years from now. Consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

• Self-actualization – living your purpose, finding meaning in life
• Self-esteem – respect of others, confidence, achievement
• Love and belonging – friendship, family, intimacy
• Safety and security – health, career, personal property
• Physiological needs – food, water, clothing shelter

• We all start at the bottom of this hierarchy and work our way up. Only when the needs of one level are met can the next level be addressed. If you try to skip levels, your life becomes a mess.
• You probably won’t have goals related to realizing your inner potential if you can’t feed your family. Increasing your social circle is the furthest thing from your mind if you recently lost your job.
• Since you can’t predict what your future goals will be, your personal development will be a long-term process.

1. It’s all about the journey. Overcoming your fear of public speaking isn’t just about making more money at your profession. It’s about conquering your doubts and perceived limitations. If you could eliminate your fear by snapping your fingers, life would be too easy. Much of the enjoyment and meaning of life come from the battles we fight.
2. Repetition is often the most important component. Personal development is like getting in shape. There’s only so much change that can happen in one day. It’s when your efforts are repeated over the long-term that results happen.

• Brushing your teeth once doesn’t accomplish a lot. Not brushing your teeth one day doesn’t do much either. It’s only after repeated brushing or neglect that the results become obvious.
• Crash dieting, winning the lottery, and studying all night for a semester exam rarely result in success. You’ve had similar experiences. Your personal development journey requires consistency to attain long-lasting results.

Instead of looking for the quick fix, search for strategies that require effort and commitment. Relish the fact that you’re changing your life and putting in the work to make it happen. Success is easier than you think, because so few people can keep a long-term perspective. Win the personal development race by being the tortoise.

How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Quitting

The most successful people have an uncanny ability to keep going when everyone else would quit. Your success is tied your ability to keep working after you have the urge to quit. Quitting is a bad habit, and it’s often learned at a young age. Learn how to continue making progress no matter how strong the urge to quit grows.

Consider the reasons you feel like quitting in the first place:

1. You lack energy. A lack of energy isn’t just a reason one might quit a marathon. It’s also a common reason for quitting other pursuits. Exhaustion can be physical or mental. To help counteract your exhaustion:

• Get a full night of sleep.
• Get better control over your schedule.
• Streamline your life.
• Eat more nutritious foods.
• Learn how to relax.

1. You lack focus. Too many distractions can result in the desire to quit. Are you trying to accomplish too many other things? Some people can deal with more goals than others. If you feel overwhelmed, narrow your focus to your most important goals.
2. It’s not that important to you. Do you have a good enough reason to keep going? Why are you doing this activity in the first place?

• Remind yourself of why it’s important to keep going. Maybe the best motivation you can find is setting a good example for your children. Maybe the most important issue is self-respect. Find a good reason to continue.

Understand the reasons you feel the desire to quit. It’s natural to want to quit. And most people do. Will you be one of the few that’s able to persevere? It’s just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other until you’re finished.

Persevere when you want to quit:

1. Revisit your original purpose. Is that motivation enough? If it’s not, you’ll need to find a new reason. If you can’t think of one, that might be a sign that you should be doing something else. But don’t give up too quickly. Look deeply. You’ll almost certainly find a compelling reason to continue.
2. Create small successes. Nothing is more motivating than success. Set yourself up for regular success by setting easy goals that move you forward. These baby steps can result in the momentum you need to carry you to the finish line. Just focus on the immediate task and forget about the rest.
3. Focus on the endpoint. The path might not be enjoyable, but the end result should be. Keep your eye on how great you’ll feel when you’ve reached the end. By focusing on the endpoint, you can maintain your motivation more easily. Visualize your ideal endpoint twice each day.
4. Stay on schedule. Once your motivation begins to wane, it’s easy to lose track of your goal. Other activities seem to take over your schedule and it becomes easier to procrastinate. So, make a schedule that will ensure you stay engaged. Make time so you don’t have an excuse to quit.
5. Ask yourself how you’ll feel if you allow yourself to quit. Quitting sounds good in the short-term, but we usually regret it later on. How will you feel in a week, month, or year from today if you let yourself quit?

Learn to keep going, no matter how strong the desire to quit grows. This is the best indicator of your ability to be successful. You will eventually succeed if you can continue moving toward your goal. You don’t have to quit just because you feel the urge to stop.

7 Behaviors That Make Life Easier and More Fulfilling

Do you feel like your life is unfulfilling and overly full of challenges? If so, you’ll be happy to know that you can make changes, starting today, to turn your life around! Creating a wonderful life is the result of consistently doing things that support your happiness and fulfillment.

Avoid stressful challenges and enjoy your life more with these behaviors:

1. Be proactive. Avoid waiting until you’re forced to take action. Plan ahead. Many of life’s challenges are easily managed if you deal with them quickly. Most of life’s difficulties are preventable.

• For example, you know that your car needs regular oil changes. A natural result of not changing the oil is a ruined car. You can prevent this challenge simply by changing your oil on time. If you can’t afford to have the oil changed, learn how to do it yourself. This is one task anyone can learn.
• Being proactive also applies to any task that you’re aware of ahead of time, such as projects and reports at your job. Waiting until the last minute to do something ensures that when you finally do it, you’ll be full of stress and won’t do your best work, both of which can cause further challenges.
• Set goals, write them down, and take action to achieve them. Do something each day to bring you a little closer to the life you desire.
  

1. Pay attention to your diet and fitness. It’s easy to gain 50 pounds one pound at a time. A poor diet can ruin your health with imperceptible changes, a little at a time.

• Keep an eye on your weight and set a hard limit. Once you’ve reached that limit, it’s time for serious action. You can’t weigh 250 pounds if you never allow yourself to weigh over 150.
• Start feeding your body the nutrition it craves for peak performance. Make changes a little at a time. For example, add a vegetable or fruit to each meal. Make something homemade with organic ingredients instead of buying processed food. Do this often enough, and you’ll develop a taste preference for delicious, healthy food.
  

1. Minimize time watching TV or surfing the internet. TV, the internet, and your smart phone are all great ways of wasting your precious time. Consider all the other, more productive, things you could be doing instead.

• Imagine if you spend three hours each day split between exercising, learning a musical instrument, and running an online business instead of watching YouTube videos. How would your life be different after five years? You can determine today how your life will be in the future.
  

1. Save money consistently. Having secure finances is crucial. One unfortunate incident, such as blown transmission in your car, can be catastrophic if you don’t have any money in the bank. Keep in mind that you can’t work forever. Sooner or later you’ll be forced to live off your savings and social security.

• Start a savings account today and add to it each week. You can start small and, once you get into the habit of saving consistently, begin a program of increasing your savings.
• Start investing. A great start is an index fund. Find one that you can get into with small payments and add to your investment each month. You can get started with as little as $25.
  

1. Consider the actual value to you of your purchases. Buy things you need, rather than things you want due to the impulse of the moment. It’s difficult to save money if you routinely make unnecessary purchases. These items rarely bring true enjoyment anyway.
   
2. Make decisions. Making decisions can be scary and feel restrictive. You might not want to take that much responsibility for your life. But even a poor decision is often better than no decision at all. Without decisions, your fate is determined by luck.
   
3. Maintain friendships. Friends drift away unless you make an effort to maintain your friendships. As you get older, there can be fewer opportunities to make new friends. Keeping a friendship alive takes effort, but it’s less work than finding and nurturing a new friendship. There are few things better in life than an old friend.

A few bad habits can create a very hard life. A few effective habits can reward you greatly. Strive to develop habits that support your happiness. Be proactive, make your health a priority, use your time wisely, and be responsible with your finances. An exciting life with minimal distress can be yours.

3 Quick Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is basically about having a positive and realistic sense of who you are. You like yourself and understand your strengths. You believe in your abilities and recognize the areas where you could use a little more work.

While your childhood experiences influence your level of self-esteem, there’s a lot you can do as an adult to boost your confidence. Study these tips for building up your sense of self-worth, and apply them to your own circumstances.

Practice Your Faith

For many of us, our spiritual faith defines who we are and our purpose in life. Let your faith show you how valuable you are, and how precious your life is.

Meditate and pray. Set aside time each day to connect with the divine. Create a quiet space where you can sit down and still your mind.

Read inspirational messages. Pick up a few books by a spiritual leader you admire. If you’re looking for new ideas, browse online and ask your friends what they’re reading.

Discuss your beliefs. Clarify your thinking and challenge your assumptions by talking with others. You’ll deepen your understanding of your faith and discover how to put your beliefs into action.

Embrace your individuality. Your faith will help you to respect your unique gifts and give you the courage to be yourself. Authenticity is the basis of true confidence.

Appreciate Your Accomplishments

Each action we take reinforces our self-esteem or tears it down. Learn to make choices that will help you to take care of yourself.

1. Make a list. Think about your past victories and the patterns that they suggest. Maybe you perform well when you collaborate with others or narrow your focus to a few top priorities.
2. Align your actions with your values. Think about what you value and how your actions support your core beliefs. Examine which choices cause stress or create peace of mind for you.

Take risks. Feeling confident and capable allows you to reach beyond your comfort zone. Audition for a part in the next production at your local community theater or volunteer for a tough assignment at work.

Persevere through obstacles. It’s easy to say you have a goal, but tougher to see it through to completion. High self-esteem helps you to overcome setbacks because you know that you’re worth the effort.

Cultivate Social Support

While we’re ultimately responsible for developing our own self-esteem, our interactions with others play a powerful role. Use your relationships to strengthen your belief in yourself.

1. Turn to your family. Rely on family rituals that contribute to your sense of self-worth, and work on changing the dynamics that seem counterproductive. You may decide to hold family meetings so you can agree on house rules and cut down on bickering.
2. Deepen your friendships. Are your daily interactions mostly about work? Disclose your inner thoughts to let others know you and communicate on a more profound level.

Evaluate your romantic life. How you perceive yourself has a powerful impact on how you handle dating and marriage. Talk with your partner about what you can do to respect each other’s feelings.

Play with your dog. For a quick fix, look at yourself through your dog’s eyes. Your dog thinks you’re great, so let them teach you to have more compassion for yourself. Many studies show that pet owners tend to have higher self-esteem.

Love and accept yourself for who you are. As you build your self-esteem, you’ll be more likely to make sound decisions and fulfill your goals. You’ll know that you are worthy of respect and dignity.