Stop the Cycle: Managing Self-Blame and Self-Criticism

2024-11-25 ~ adminlife

Understanding Self-Blame and Its Impact

Self-blame is the tendency to hold oneself responsible when things don’t go as planned, even if the situation was beyond personal control. Over time, constantly blaming oneself can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy and lowered self-worth. Although it might appear as humility, excessive self-blame limits creativity and prevents individuals from taking risks to improve.

Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.

One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.

I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.

You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.

Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.

You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life.

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address)

Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program.

Those who frequently blame themselves often hesitate to take initiative, preferring to remain unseen and avoid negative attention. This self-blame mindset is closely tied to self-criticism, where individuals reinforce negativity by telling themselves they are “not good enough” or even “a failure.” While self-criticism is natural to some degree, when it becomes a habit, it forms a self-perpetuating loop of negative thoughts and feelings. This cycle can sap motivation and may even lead to depression or anxiety if left unchecked.

The Harm of Habitual Self-Criticism

Constant self-criticism prevents people from objectively assessing their strengths and areas for growth. It replaces healthy self-reflection with a narrow focus on perceived faults, making it challenging to view past mistakes constructively. Instead of learning and moving forward, individuals caught in a cycle of self-criticism may find themselves stuck, unable to see their true abilities and unable to feel encouraged to achieve.

A moderate amount of self-blame and self-criticism can be helpful — it keeps us grounded and helps us confront areas for improvement. However, when these thoughts dominate, they undermine potential and create mental roadblocks that limit success. Therefore, it’s essential to keep self-blame and self-criticism in balance, treating them as occasional feedback rather than constant negative self-assessment.

Strategies for Keeping Self-Blame and Self-Criticism in Balance

1. Focus on Behaviours, Not Personal Attributes

When self-criticism arises, redirect it toward specific behaviours instead of personality traits. Behaviours are within our power to change. For instance, instead of blaming yourself for not being naturally “gifted,” consider focusing on the time you spent on distractions. Adjusting habits is far more achievable than trying to change inherent qualities.

2. Differentiate Between Responsibility and Self-Blame

Instead of quickly blaming yourself, take a step back to assess the entire situation. Identify areas where your actions or decisions influenced the outcome, but resist the urge to assume total responsibility if external factors played a role. Recognize mistakes as learning opportunities and develop a plan to make improvements in the future.

3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

When your inner voice criticizes you as “lazy” or “unworthy,” actively question these thoughts. Start a journal to track your positive traits and accomplishments, which can help build self-appreciation and reduce the need for harsh self-judgment. Over time, building self-awareness can quiet that critical voice and replace it with a constructive inner dialogue.

Managing self-blame and self-criticism is key to building resilience, confidence and personal growth. With balanced self-assessment, you can foster a mindset that encourages self-improvement without becoming trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.

To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.

Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

If you have an Amazon Kindle account, there are different books at Amazon – Michael W (author)

P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life.

The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address)

Limiting Beliefs Download

Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.

P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program.

Photo by Ethan Hu on Unsplash

Keeping Yourself on Track and Motivated by Using Rewards

2024-10-022024-10-02 ~ adminlife

Why do we work hard? What drives us to push through difficult tasks, meet deadlines, or pursue long-term goals? While the reasons might vary from person to person, one factor that often plays a significant role is the promise of a reward. Whether it’s a simple treat at the end of a tough day or a bigger incentive for achieving a major goal, rewards can be a powerful motivator. But how do you effectively use rewards to stay motivated without falling into the trap of relying on them too much?

Confidence in your abilities to go after your goals can sometimes be difficult to find or keep.

It can sometimes take time to discover the confidence you have inside you. This can be especially true if you are trying something new.

I have a program that can help you to discover what is holding you back from achieving your goals as well as help you set an attainable goal related to where you are in your life and where you are trying to be.

This program also works with you to build up your confidence in being able to reach your goal.

You can find out more about this program at Confidology, a funny name but a serious program.

You can contact me to talk about this or any other aspect of confidence and success at michael@coachmichaelw.com

Visit the site and read through the program description.

If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance

The psychology behind rewards is rooted in a concept known as the “reward system.” This is a group of structures in the brain that is activated when we experience something pleasurable. When we anticipate a reward, our brain releases dopamine, which not only makes us feel good but also drives us to take action to achieve that reward. This is why the promise of a reward can be such a strong motivator—it taps directly into our brain’s natural reward pathways, encouraging us to stay focused and keep moving toward our goals.

One of the key benefits of using rewards is that they provide a tangible goal to work toward. This can be particularly effective when motivation starts to wane, or when the task at hand feels overwhelming. By setting up a reward system, you give yourself something to look forward to, which can make the process of working through challenges feel more manageable and even enjoyable.

But not all rewards are created equal. To use rewards effectively, it’s important to choose incentives that are meaningful and proportionate to the task. For smaller, everyday tasks, a small reward like a coffee break, a few minutes of relaxation, or a favourite snack might be enough to keep you motivated. For larger, more challenging goals, consider more significant rewards, such as a special outing, a new purchase, or even a day off.

The timing of rewards is also crucial. Immediate rewards are often more effective than delayed ones because the connection between the task and the reward is clearer. For example, if you complete a difficult assignment, treating yourself to something enjoyable right away can reinforce the positive behavior and make you more likely to repeat it in the future. However, this doesn’t mean that long-term rewards don’t have their place. For bigger goals, setting up a series of smaller rewards along the way can help maintain motivation over time, leading to a larger, more satisfying reward at the end.

It’s also worth considering how you frame your rewards. While it’s tempting to think of rewards as something external—a treat or a gift—you can also use intrinsic rewards, which are the internal satisfaction and pride that come from achieving something. For example, if you finish a project on time, the sense of accomplishment and the knowledge that you’ve done a good job can be a reward in itself. Cultivating an appreciation for these intrinsic rewards can help you stay motivated even when external rewards are less frequent.

However, it’s important to avoid becoming too dependent on rewards. If you rely solely on external incentives, you might find that your motivation falters when the rewards are no longer available or if the rewards lose their appeal. The key is to strike a balance between using rewards to boost motivation and developing the internal drive to achieve your goals regardless of external incentives.

Actionable Step: Identify a task or goal that you’ve been struggling to stay motivated about. Set up a reward system for yourself, choosing rewards that are meaningful and proportionate to the task. Make sure to include both immediate rewards for completing smaller tasks and a larger reward for achieving the overall goal. As you work toward the goal, pay attention to the intrinsic rewards you experience, such as the satisfaction of progress and the pride of accomplishment.

Using rewards effectively can make the difference between feeling stuck and finding the motivation to keep going. They provide a way to break down larger goals into manageable steps, each with its own incentive, which can help you maintain momentum and stay on track. Whether you’re tackling a challenging project at work, working toward a personal goal, or simply trying to get through a tough day, the promise of a reward can be a powerful tool in your motivational toolkit.

But remember, the ultimate goal is to cultivate a balance between external rewards and internal motivation. By learning to appreciate both, you can create a sustainable source of motivation that will carry you through even the toughest challenges.

To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 45-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.

Nothing happens until action is taken.

To your success.

Michael

P.S Don’t forget to visit Confidology to learn more about the program. If you are not ready to commit to a full program, I have a self-paced course on Udemy that may be of interest. You can find out about the course and register at Confidence and Motivation Development and Maintenance

P.P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching

P.P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.

If you have an Amazon Kindle account, there are different books at Amazon – Michael W (author)

Photo by Andre Benz on Unsplash

12 Signs That You’re Being Too Self-Critical

2020-11-172020-11-18 ~ adminlife

It’s admirable to do your best and attempt to be the best person you can be. It only makes sense to examine your negative results in life and try to do better the next time. But it’s also easy to become too self-critical. A high level of self-criticism is detrimental to success and good mental health. Excessive self-criticism hurts your self-esteem and confidence.

Consider these signs that you might be too critical of yourself:

You’re paralyzed. One sign that you’re overly critical toward yourself is a lack of action. If you’ve been stuck in the same situation for an extended period of time, you’re too hard on yourself. Otherwise, you’d be out there taking care of business and making positive changes to your life.
You’re slow to forgive others. When you can’t forgive yourself, you’re unable to forgive others. When you can let go and forgive yourself, you can do the same for the other people in your life.
You’re never pleased with your accomplishments. It doesn’t matter to you that you shaved 10 minutes off your best 10K time or graduated from medical school. You’re bothered by the fact that you didn’t win the race or attend Harvard medical school.
You’re not assertive. You have to be comfortable with yourself to feel comfortable with asserting yourself. Assertiveness also brings the risk of rejection. Being too self-critical can increase the fear of rejection from others.
You consistently say bad things to yourself. There’s little harm in a small amount of negative self-talk. But a constant barrage of self-criticism is highly damaging. Imagine telling your child that they can’t do anything right and should give up trying. It sounds crazy when viewed from that perspective.
You’re a chronic underachiever. Underachieving is both a symptom and a cause of self-criticism. Consistent underachieving is a call to action!
Others feel comfortable being critical of you. The average person isn’t comfortable criticizing others. However, after they’ve heard you criticize yourself repeatedly, they’re likely to feel they can join in on the criticism.
You criticize yourself in general terms, rather than just for specific events. There’s a difference between telling yourself that you’re not a good tennis player and telling yourself that you’re not good at anything. General criticism is false and highly damaging.

- A lack of success at a particular activity doesn’t make you flawed at everything. It’s illogical.

You keep your opinions to yourself. While you have every reason to avoid telling your neighbor she looks fat in her dress, you should feel comfortable sharing the title of your favorite book. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your opinions freely, you’re too concerned about being judged by others or saying the wrong thing.
You spend too much time dwelling on your mistakes. Can you move on quickly after a short period of self-reflection or do you dwell on your mistakes for an extended period of time?
You find yourself unable to ask for help. It shouldn’t be difficult to ask for help. In fact, the more help the better! Are you afraid of being viewed as incapable? If so, you’re too critical of yourself.
You can’t give yourself a single compliment. Everyone is good at something. Or maybe you know you’re good at a few things but don’t think you deserve a compliment. Either way, you’re being too hard on yourself.

You’re sabotaging yourself by being overly self-critical. You limit both your success and your mood. Realize how much you harm yourself with self-criticism. Learn from your mistakes and apply the information with enthusiasm.

You can download an Eliminating Self-Criticism Checklist that is a handy sheet to have available to go over the criticisms you have and develop new self-talk to counter any criticisms you have.

You can get the Eliminating Self-Criticism Checklist here.

If you want to learn even more about being successful and developing confidence in yourself, you can join the Facebook Group Developing Confidence in Yourself or You Are success Life Coach

To your success

Michael

Michael G. Wilkovesky

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Are You Too Self-Critical – 12 Signs To Look For

2016-10-202016-10-18 ~ adminlife

12 Signs That You’re Being Too Self-Critical

It’s admirable to do your best and attempt to be the best person you can be. It only makes sense to examine your negative results in life and try to do better the next time. But it’s also easy to become too self-critical. A high level of self-criticism is detrimental to success and good mental health. Excessive self-criticism hurts your self-esteem and confidence.

Consider these signs that you might be too critical of yourself:

You’re paralyzed. One sign that you’re overly critical toward yourself is a lack of action. If you’ve been stuck in the same situation for an extended period of time, you’re too hard on yourself. Otherwise, you’d be out there taking care of business and making positive changes to your life.
You’re slow to forgive others. When you can’t forgive yourself, you’re unable to forgive others. When you can let go and forgive yourself, you can do the same for the other people in your life.
You’re never pleased with your accomplishments. It doesn’t matter to you that you shaved 10 minutes off your best 10K time or graduated from medical school. You’re bothered by the fact that you didn’t win the race or attend Harvard medical school.
You’re not assertive. You have to be comfortable with yourself to feel comfortable with asserting yourself. Assertiveness also brings the risk of rejection. Being too self-critical can increase the fear of rejection from others.
You consistently say bad things to yourself. There’s little harm in a small amount of negative self-talk. But a constant barrage of self-criticism is highly damaging. Imagine telling your child that they can’t do anything right and should give up trying. It sounds crazy when viewed from that perspective.
You’re a chronic underachiever. Underachieving is both a symptom and a cause of self-criticism. Consistent underachieving is a call to action!
Others feel comfortable being critical of you. The average person isn’t comfortable criticizing others. However, after they’ve heard you criticize yourself repeatedly, they’re likely to feel they can join in on the criticism.
You criticize yourself in general terms, rather than just for specific events. There’s a difference between telling yourself that you’re not a good tennis player and telling yourself that you’re not good at anything. General criticism is false and highly damaging.

A lack of success at a particular activity doesn’t make you flawed at everything. It’s illogical.

You keep your opinions to yourself. While you have every reason to avoid telling your neighbor she looks fat in her dress, you should feel comfortable sharing the title of your favorite book. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your opinions freely, you’re too concerned about being judged by others or saying the wrong thing.
You spend too much time dwelling on your mistakes. Can you move on quickly after a short period of self-reflection or do you dwell on your mistakes for an extended period of time?
You find yourself unable to ask for help. It shouldn’t be difficult to ask for help. In fact, the more help the better! Are you afraid of being viewed as incapable? If so, you’re too critical of yourself.
You can’t give yourself a single compliment. Everyone is good at something. Or maybe you know you’re good at a few things but don’t think you deserve a compliment. Either way, you’re being too hard on yourself.

You’re sabotaging yourself by being overly self-critical. You limit both your success and your mood. Realize how much you harm yourself with self-criticism. Learn from your mistakes and apply the information with enthusiasm.

To your success

Michael W