Learning To Cope With Things Out of Our Control

2021-04-05 ~ adminlife

At some point in your life, you’ve no doubt had to deal with a situation that was out of your control. Whether it’s a car accident, financial difficulties, or other challenge, these events cause stress and frustration, which negatively impact your health and mental outlook on life.

Learning how to cope with events you can’t control will help keep you in a positive frame of mind and alleviate your stress.

Consider the Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr:

“God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.”

The words of this prayer exemplify the solution to a problem that plagues all of us. Once you’ve come to terms with the fact that you can control only your own actions (and reactions), you can begin to find peace of mind.

What Can You Control?

Worrying about the people or events in your life that you can’t control can cause all kinds of stress-related health problems, such as angina, high blood pressure, and sleeping difficulties.

If you need to feel more in control of your life, focus on those things that you can physically change.

Who you decide to accept as your friends and spend your time with is something you can definitely control. It may not be easy to meet new friends, but the opportunities are plentiful if you look for them.

Being around negative people can drag your attitude down, since you adopt the mood of people around you.
If you have people in your life who aren’t encouraging you to fulfill your potential, find other people to surround yourself with.
Having the support of people who believe in you will propel you toward reaching your lifelong goals.

Live One Day at a Time

When you intentionally consider each day a gift, your struggles don’t seem as dire. While life does deal some bad hands, such as death, divorce, and financial challenges, how you cope during these hardships can make you stronger or break you.

When you purposely feel gratitude for the good moments within each day, you can genuinely start to accept your struggles as a path to a new beginning.

Coping with Financial Difficulties

One of the most stressful situations is coping with financial difficulties. Loss of a job often means having to give up things you’ve worked hard to acquire.

If you’re having a difficult time accepting that you have to cut expenses and give up the comfortable things in life, even temporarily, it helps to remember that it could be worse.
Be grateful for having your home and your health because there are many people in the world who have neither.
Once you know you can be happy with less, you can focus again on achieving your goals.

By accepting that you can’t change some things, you’ll become more powerful in changing the things that you do have control over. You’ll free yourself from the negative thoughts and emotions that can stifle you into sad complacence.

Use these tips to help you cope with things out of your control, and you’ll find peace, joy, and the passion to persevere through all challenges.

Being able to accept that you cannot control everything and that those things out of your control just have to be accepted or ignored moves you one step closer to being in control and empowered.

Book a 45-minute call on my calendar at:

https://calendly.com/michael-coach/focused-program-45-minute

to learn more about building up your empowerment level and to live a better life.

To your success

Michael

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Conquer Your Insecurities to Gain the Confidence and Success You Deserve

2021-03-22 ~ adminlife

Our insecurities often stem from a fear of failure. This could be a good thing if you’re weighing the risk versus reward of doing something that puts you in danger. But more often than not, insecurities just hold you back from having what you want in life.

Insecurities can prevent you from getting the job you want or the promotion you deserve. If you feel like you’re not good enough, you may stop trying. And if you do try, the person responsible for giving you the job or promotion may pick up on your insecurities and offer the position to someone else.

If you’re insecure, it can hurt your relationships as well. If you’re constantly worried that your significant other is cheating on you, or is planning to leave you for someone else, this can put a lot of strain on your relationship.

A lot of individuals have financial insecurities, too. Financial insecurities can prevent you from making an investment that could be worth a lot of money in the future.

Take these steps to gain confidence and conquer your insecurities:

Take an objective look at yourself. Pinpoint some of the things you’re insecure about and consider what you would tell someone else in the same position.

- If you’re insecure about an upcoming job interview or your romantic relationship, consider what advice you’d give to someone in the same situation.

Stop living in fear. Maybe someone else will get the position you want. Maybe that investment won’t work out and you might lose some money. Keep in mind that there’s no reward without risk.

- If you let fear hold you back from trying, you’ll continue to evade success.

Make a list of the things you’re afraid of. Write down the things that make you uncomfortable and why you think they cause you to worry. Review your list and think about whether these are legitimate, rational concerns.

- Most people have a fear of failure and that’s perfectly natural. However, it’s important to avoid letting that fear overwhelm you to the point where it prevents you from going after the things you want.

Focus on past successes. Many times, insecurities stem from a traumatic experience in the past. Find a way to remember the positive experiences you’ve had rather than the negative.

- Maybe your girlfriend cheated on you and you’re worried that it will happen again. Perhaps you had a job interview that went horribly and left you feeling defeated. Whatever the situation, it’s time to move past it.

- Instead of dwelling on the times you’ve failed, focus on instances where you’ve experienced success. This will help you gain confidence and get past your insecurities.

Realize that you’re unable to control others, but you can control yourself. It’s difficult to predict the behaviour of others. Your significant other may decide to break up with you and move onto another relationship. Your boss may decide that you don’t deserve the promotion. All of that isn’t within your control. You can only take ownership of your own actions.

- You can work hard to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend. You can do everything in your power to get that promotion. Focus on the things that you can control and let the cards fall where they may.

When you dwell on your insecurities, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You can drive people away in relationships. You could lose a job or promotion because you believe you’re unworthy. Try to implement these strategies to get past your insecurities. It will give you the best chance for success.

When you conquer your insecurities, you grow in your life and start to develop the inner confidence that will get move you forward towards your goals.

It is not easy to do this alone, that is why using a Life Coach can help.

Book a 15-minute call here “Get to know you call”, to talk with me about where you are now and where you want to be and we may be able to work together to help you achieve the best year of your life.

To your success

Michael

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

I control my destiny.

2021-03-16 ~ adminlife

I am in charge of my life.

I set specific and compelling goals. I challenge myself to achieve more. I give my life meaning and direction. My vision is clear, and my enthusiasm is high.

I build up my resources. I add to my knowledge and skills. I continue to grow and develop.

I cultivate mutually supportive relationships. I strengthen my personal and professional networks. I surround myself with family, friends, and colleagues who provide me with encouragement and practical assistance.

I take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I accept the consequences of my choices. I learn from each experience.

I manage my time. I set priorities and limit distractions. I am organized and efficient.

I persevere through obstacles. I am patient and flexible. I am willing to work hard for what I want. When I fall down, I pick myself up again. I evaluate my progress and create new strategies.

I live with integrity. I keep my word. I follow through on the commitments I make to myself and others.

I take action. I focus on results. I break big projects down into manageable steps. I start small and build momentum. Each victory inspires me to keep trying.

Today, I empower myself. I am confident and capable. I create my own reality.

Self-Reflection Questions:

How is being accountable different from blaming myself?
How many times did I complain or make excuses today?
What is the relationship between freedom and responsibility?

You can take control of your own life. It is not always easy; we have many blocks to being in control that we may not even know about.

You can do this all by yourself or you can use a Life Coach to guide you and make sure that you uncover the things that stop you from being in control.

You can find out more by contacting me at michael@coachmichaelw.com and we can arrange a conversation about where you are now, where you want to be and how you can get there.

To your success

Michael

Image by Céline Martin from Pixabay

Don’t Let the Fear of Failure Limit Your Life

2021-01-25 ~ adminlife

There’s not a lot to fear if you’re living in a first-world country. We’re free of wars, famine, plagues, animals that eat us, and dictators. However, fear is part of the human condition. We’ll always find something to be fearful about.

The fear of failure is a common fear that most people have experienced. We don’t like to appear inadequate in front of others.

Unfortunately, if you’re unwilling to risk failure, your life is going to be very limited. Learning to deal with the fear of failure is a worthy goal. Most people avoid situations where they might fail. That just means you’ll have less competition if you can get over your fear.

Take advantage of these strategies and refuse to allow the fear of failure to limit your life:

Define your fear. What exactly are you afraid of? Are you worried about being laughed at by your peers? Would you feel bad about yourself if you failed? Are you worried that you’ll never be successful? Define your fear.
Redefine failure. What is failure to you? Is it an inescapable and permanent result? Is it a sign that you’re incapable or inadequate?
- A healthier definition of failure is that it’s just an undesired result. You took a guess and you were wrong. You can learn from that result and do better on your next attempt. That’s not so bad.

Visualize success. Rather than imagining yourself failing, imagine yourself being successful. Take five minutes a few times each day and imagine yourself succeeding. Notice how great it feels and focus on that feeling.

- Give your brain more images of success than of failure. In time, you’ll grow to expect to be successful.

Consider the worst-case scenario. What is the worst that can happen? Can you handle it? Of course, you can.

- Develop a strategy for dealing with the worst possible outcome. Once you’re certain you can handle the worst, there’s nothing left to worry about.

Recall your past failures. You’ve overcome numerous failures. How many times did you fail while learning to walk? To talk? And yet here you are. You survived. We fail in small ways each day and the sun still rises the next day. The world will go on.
Become comfortable with discomfort. The thought of failure is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean you have to allow it to influence your actions. The uncomfortable sensations of any negative emotions are just suggestions. You’re free to choose how you’re going to respond.
Start small. If you’re too uncomfortable to move forward with your plans, just start small. Take a small action and notice that you’re still okay. Tomorrow you can take a slightly bigger step. In no time at all, you’ll be taking massive action toward your goals.
Consider what will happen if you allow your fear to stop you. Imagine yourself 20 years from now having not taken this risk. How will you feel about that? You’ll almost certainly regret it.

- Think back to your high school days. Remember that boy or girl you were too afraid to speak to? How do you feel about that now? You know that you’d muster up the courage if you could do it again.
- We regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.

How much has the fear of failure impacted your life? It’s okay to be afraid, but it’s a little silly if you have a good understanding of failure.

What’s not okay is to allow your fear of failure to keep you out of the game. Your life is passing by. Refuse to allow fear to get in your way. You only have one life to live.

You now have the information you need to be able to eliminate fear from your life.

If you still think that this is something that you will need help with, you can contact me at michael@coachmichaelw.com

To your success

Michael

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Making Peace with Your Inner Critic

2020-09-16 ~ adminlife

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

The way you talk to yourself can build you up or tear you down. When your inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because you’re repeating things you heard from your parents or other authority figures when you were growing up.

If the criticism goes too far, it can discourage you from trying and take the joy out of your life.

Break free from the voices in your head. Take a look at a variety of techniques that prove that there’s more than one way to make peace with your inner critic.

Making Friends with Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic will sound less scary if you remember that it wants to protect you from failure and other possible dangers.

Learn how to put it to work for you instead of against you:

Increase awareness. You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly think about what it’s saying. Start changing your relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.
Look back. What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There may be family issues or other matters that you need to heal before you can move on.
Focus on growth. Maybe your inner voice says you’re bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. In reality, you’re not stuck in your past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want as long as you’re willing to put in the work to get there.
Aim higher. You may also find your inner critic easier to deal with if you keep a deeper purpose in mind. When you’re working for something bigger than yourself, you can accept your self-doubts without being overcome by them.
Try meditation. Many adults find that meditation helps them to make their self-talk more comforting and motivating. Let go of judgements and connect with your inner goodness.

Silencing Your Inner Critic

On the other hand, there are times when you just need a break. If your self-talk is making you anxious and depressed, you can find relief.

Seek distractions. Shift your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book. Spend some time doing anything that you enjoy.
Distance yourself. Turn down the volume by imagining that your inner critic is speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.
Identify triggers. Give yourself advance warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss.
List your strengths. If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from baking bread to writing code.
Correct exaggerations. Your house won’t be condemned because you were too busy to vacuum for a few days. Keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is accurate.
Use affirmations. Repeating positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down. Browse online for ideas or invent your own wording.
Remember your worth. Being tough on yourself erodes your self-esteem. Shore it back up by telling yourself that you deserve to be happy and successful.
Build support. While you need to value yourself, it helps to have others in your corner too. Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about yourself and your opportunities.

Take control of your self-talk and your future. Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential.

To your success

Michael

If you are looking to read more on motivation, you can find check out these three books:

Developing and Keeping Your Self-Motivation Strong

How to Harness the Power of Momentum for a More Successful Life

Keeping Your Motivation High to Get Things Done