Don’t Let the Fear of Failure Limit Your Life

2021-01-25 ~ adminlife

There’s not a lot to fear if you’re living in a first-world country. We’re free of wars, famine, plagues, animals that eat us, and dictators. However, fear is part of the human condition. We’ll always find something to be fearful about.

The fear of failure is a common fear that most people have experienced. We don’t like to appear inadequate in front of others.

Unfortunately, if you’re unwilling to risk failure, your life is going to be very limited. Learning to deal with the fear of failure is a worthy goal. Most people avoid situations where they might fail. That just means you’ll have less competition if you can get over your fear.

Take advantage of these strategies and refuse to allow the fear of failure to limit your life:

Define your fear. What exactly are you afraid of? Are you worried about being laughed at by your peers? Would you feel bad about yourself if you failed? Are you worried that you’ll never be successful? Define your fear.
Redefine failure. What is failure to you? Is it an inescapable and permanent result? Is it a sign that you’re incapable or inadequate?
- A healthier definition of failure is that it’s just an undesired result. You took a guess and you were wrong. You can learn from that result and do better on your next attempt. That’s not so bad.

Visualize success. Rather than imagining yourself failing, imagine yourself being successful. Take five minutes a few times each day and imagine yourself succeeding. Notice how great it feels and focus on that feeling.

- Give your brain more images of success than of failure. In time, you’ll grow to expect to be successful.

Consider the worst-case scenario. What is the worst that can happen? Can you handle it? Of course, you can.

- Develop a strategy for dealing with the worst possible outcome. Once you’re certain you can handle the worst, there’s nothing left to worry about.

Recall your past failures. You’ve overcome numerous failures. How many times did you fail while learning to walk? To talk? And yet here you are. You survived. We fail in small ways each day and the sun still rises the next day. The world will go on.
Become comfortable with discomfort. The thought of failure is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean you have to allow it to influence your actions. The uncomfortable sensations of any negative emotions are just suggestions. You’re free to choose how you’re going to respond.
Start small. If you’re too uncomfortable to move forward with your plans, just start small. Take a small action and notice that you’re still okay. Tomorrow you can take a slightly bigger step. In no time at all, you’ll be taking massive action toward your goals.
Consider what will happen if you allow your fear to stop you. Imagine yourself 20 years from now having not taken this risk. How will you feel about that? You’ll almost certainly regret it.

- Think back to your high school days. Remember that boy or girl you were too afraid to speak to? How do you feel about that now? You know that you’d muster up the courage if you could do it again.
- We regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.

How much has the fear of failure impacted your life? It’s okay to be afraid, but it’s a little silly if you have a good understanding of failure.

What’s not okay is to allow your fear of failure to keep you out of the game. Your life is passing by. Refuse to allow fear to get in your way. You only have one life to live.

You now have the information you need to be able to eliminate fear from your life.

If you still think that this is something that you will need help with, you can contact me at michael@coachmichaelw.com

To your success

Michael

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Making Peace with Your Inner Critic

2020-09-16 ~ adminlife

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

The way you talk to yourself can build you up or tear you down. When your inner dialogue is harsh, it’s usually because you’re repeating things you heard from your parents or other authority figures when you were growing up.

If the criticism goes too far, it can discourage you from trying and take the joy out of your life.

Break free from the voices in your head. Take a look at a variety of techniques that prove that there’s more than one way to make peace with your inner critic.

Making Friends with Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic will sound less scary if you remember that it wants to protect you from failure and other possible dangers.

Learn how to put it to work for you instead of against you:

Increase awareness. You may be so used to your inner critic that you hardly think about what it’s saying. Start changing your relationship by trying to understand what it wants to tell you.
Look back. What’s your first memory of your inner critic? Does it sound like a particular person from your past? There may be family issues or other matters that you need to heal before you can move on.
Focus on growth. Maybe your inner voice says you’re bad at math because you failed a test in the third grade. In reality, you’re not stuck in your past. Adopt a growth mindset that enables you to become whatever you want as long as you’re willing to put in the work to get there.
Aim higher. You may also find your inner critic easier to deal with if you keep a deeper purpose in mind. When you’re working for something bigger than yourself, you can accept your self-doubts without being overcome by them.
Try meditation. Many adults find that meditation helps them to make their self-talk more comforting and motivating. Let go of judgements and connect with your inner goodness.

Silencing Your Inner Critic

On the other hand, there are times when you just need a break. If your self-talk is making you anxious and depressed, you can find relief.

Seek distractions. Shift your attention elsewhere. Take a walk or read a book. Spend some time doing anything that you enjoy.
Distance yourself. Turn down the volume by imagining that your inner critic is speaking to someone else instead of you. Take any statement and replace the personal pronouns with a funny name.
Identify triggers. Give yourself advance warning. Figure out the situations where your inner critic is likely to appear. You may be sensitive about first dates or criticism from your boss.
List your strengths. If you’re tired of hearing about your weaknesses, remember your strengths. Make a list of the things you’re good at from baking bread to writing code.
Correct exaggerations. Your house won’t be condemned because you were too busy to vacuum for a few days. Keep things in perspective by ensuring that your self-talk is accurate.
Use affirmations. Repeating positive affirmations can give you a boost when you’re feeling down. Browse online for ideas or invent your own wording.
Remember your worth. Being tough on yourself erodes your self-esteem. Shore it back up by telling yourself that you deserve to be happy and successful.
Build support. While you need to value yourself, it helps to have others in your corner too. Surround yourself with family and friends who make you feel positive about yourself and your opportunities.

Take control of your self-talk and your future. Treat yourself with compassion and keep striving to reach your full potential.

To your success

Michael

If you are looking to read more on motivation, you can find check out these three books:

Developing and Keeping Your Self-Motivation Strong

How to Harness the Power of Momentum for a More Successful Life

Keeping Your Motivation High to Get Things Done

How I Conquered Fear And You Can Too!

2020-02-182020-02-18 ~ adminlife

Getting out of your comfort zone for most is challenging, to say the least. It’s been my experience that the missing element is psychological. Too many times I’ve said to myself, ‘I don’t know HOW to do this’ and self sabotaged my brain into believing I could not do it. What I’ve come to know is this; it’s not the ‘how’ that is so important but rather the ‘why’ behind it! Get a big enough WHY and the HOW will follow!

It’s the old 80/20 rule – 80% is psychology and the remaining 20% is the mechanics. We all tend to get what we HAVE to have. It boils down to what YOU believe YOU MUST do and chose to not settle for anything less!! Turning your ‘should’s’ into ‘must’s’ and making the decision to move forward in spite of the fear.

Feel the fear and do it anyway! If you truly want to get the edge, you will need to get over your fear. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of whatever – it’s okay to make a mistake, just make sure you learn from it and avoid the same pit falls next time around.

Choose to live life on your own terms. The quality of life is the quality of your emotions on a daily basis. Control your emotions and take control of your destiny! Consider this, it’s not how long I live but rather, how I live! It’s not about your ability; it’s about why you must succeed!!

Two things to help you control your emotions, deal with your BODY and what you FOCUS on at any given moment.

1 – Body, the psychology that we are ‘in’ is driven by the physiology that we are ‘in’. Specifically, when we change our MOTION we change our EMOTION and therefore experience a change of ‘state’. It’s these ‘states’ (or emotions), that will determine our action towards any given target.

2 – Focus, what you focus on and moreover, ‘how’ you focus, plays a vital roll in your achievements (or lack thereof). We must remember, what’s wrong is always available to us but so is, what’s right! Understand that ‘problems’ are a sign of life. Want to see someone who doesn’t have any more problems? Drop by your nearest cemetery, they’re done! No more problems – and no more life!! Direct your focus, whatever you focus on you moves you towards that object or experience. There isn’t a ‘try’ – only do or not do!

I’ve noticed several things about myself that I can’t help but believe others must share in similar experiences or situations. The difference for me now, is how I choose to ‘control’ or ‘focus’ myself as situations arise. This is a broad range of things from attending a party and ‘experiencing’ my emotions, to simply taking a shower and getting ready for the day. It’s truly how I manage my ‘state’ during the situation that defines my experience!

To be more clear, it’s what I choose to focus on while showering or while at the party. If while showering I’m having thoughts of – oh no, it’s Monday again, I hate the first day of each workweek! I hate Monday’s!! I wish I could just stay home and sleep in. I have to fight the stinking traffic everyday. I wish I had another car, a bigger more fancy car.

On and on it goes and before you finish your morning shower – presto, you’re in a bad mood and ready to bite your partners head off! You’re having emotions of agitation and experiencing anxiety about going to work, all before you even get dressed to go.

I suggest and submit to you it all begins with your THOUGHTS. It’s these thoughts that begin to effect our emotions (or states) and once we LEARN how to control them, we then have a much more powerful position that will determine our actions.

Use MOTION to create EMOTION and control your results. Back to the shower scene – sing, shout, clap your hands, pretend the soap bottle (or bar) is your microphone, move briskly, breath deeply and think about good things. (Remember, you get to choose what you think about – it’s your personal power)! Wouldn’t you rather get dressed feeling good about the day ahead of you, as opposed to dreading the very next moment? Sure you would, and you get to pick your experience. It may take some practice or ‘conditioning’ on your part but it will become a ‘habit’ once you focus on training your brain and body to do so.

You can control your fear and use it as leverage to compel you towards your goals. It the courage behind the fear that builds the faith within us that makes us stronger. Esteem comes from forcing yourself to do difficult things. Therefore, causing us to broaden our comfort zones while strengthening our faith.

Can you see faith? I submit to you, we are able to see the evidence of faith. No one has ever seen the wind but it evidence is everywhere to be seen. Faith unused wanes!

The Success Brain Course

As we are all trying to be more successful in our lives, both personal and business, we need to have a success mindset. It is hard to be successful when your own self-talk is against you and your mind is not aligned with your goals.

If you want to be more successful and live the life you deserve, then you need to have a Success Brain.

While this may sound easy, unless you know what you need to accomplish, you could end up wasting your time and energy.

This course “The Success Brain” can help you to understand those areas of your own mind that are holding you back while helping you to develop a truly success brain and mindset that will guide you in your life to really become more successful.

The Power of Self-Belief

2019-01-192019-01-23 ~ adminlife

If you believe in yourself, there is little to stop you in whatever you want to accomplish. It gives you the power to push forward and to defy the odds. You will be able to handle any roadblocks that come your way. You will also brush off the naysayers. It gives you peace of mind when you stick to your self-belief.

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To keep that self-belief strong, you need to define your goals. You wouldn’t expect a general to fight a war without a map. You too need a map to guide you on how to proceed. Too many people skip this step and wonder why they aren’t getting anywhere.

Goals are your guidance, but carrying through with them is only done when you believe that it’s possible. The belief is the energy you need to take action. It helps you to focus on getting your tasks complete.

You will also build confidence when you have self-belief. It’s a powerful tool as others will be attracted to that confidence. They will follow your lead, and you will help show them what is possible. When you run into any stumbling blocks (and you will), that confidence will help you see them through. You will know how to take alternative action when necessary. The people following you will respect that as well.

Several forces will try to beat you down. You may even find yourself letting it happen. You need to get centered on why you started your journey in the first place. Use affirmations to reinforce your message. Be consistent with your affirmations.

Unfortunately, many of the negative forces are going to be from your family and friends. They will see it as helping you avoid mistakes. Many people will succumb to this negative pressure and give up. One way to prevent this is to join groups of like-minded individuals. It can be related to your business, or it can be groups that focus on self-help. These organizations exist to try and push the negative forces out. It’s great to go to meetings and get encouragement from the group.

Attending these groups can sometimes lead to friendships with people where you can extend the encouragement of each other. You may even form business partnerships from these friendships. It’s good to know that you have the support of these people when these relationships form. They understand when everyone else around you doesn’t. Your self-belief will strengthen considerably from this arrangement.

To your success

Michael W

P.S. If you are looking for a confidence program that can help you with your self development. Send me an email at michael@youaresuccesslifecoach.com to request a copy of my “Maximum Confidence Transformation Package”. Afterwards we can arrange a discovery telephone call to discuss the package and how you can benefit further from developing your confidence level.

Feature photo used under CCO and available at https://pixabay.com/en/unknown-identity-undiscovered-913575/

Become a Negative-Thinking Turnaround Factory

2019-01-082019-01-08 ~ adminlife

Negative thoughts bombard your life. They are all over the television. The news or your favourite television shows contain negativity. You face it at work and even at home. You will see enough of it online as well. It invades your life.

What if you could picture your brain as a factory that takes negative thinking as input and processes it to churn out positive thoughts? Perhaps this seems a bit abstract as you are not indeed a factory. But, if you can think in these terms, you may be able to combat the negative thinking.

On your transition to factory status, you need to stop yourself from overreacting to what people say. When someone says something you don’t agree with, take a moment to consider what they are saying. When you get annoyed at others, you stop listening to them and only want to get your point across as to why they are wrong. Instead, after he or she speaks, take a moment and consider what the message is.

The next stage is to try and see the other person’s point of view. If you have a difficult time doing this, calmly ask questions of the person making the statement. You can say that you don’t understand the reason for the statement and would like to know more about why they said it.

You don’t have to agree with the other person, even after you start to process what they say. But, the act of listening and considering their point of view will transform you. You may start to challenge your belief system. Sometimes, you can get so focused on a belief even when the reason why you feel that way has changed. When you start to question your beliefs, you will consider what others have to say more openly. The process will help you turn negative thoughts into positive ones.

Negative thoughts seldom lead to believing in oneself. You will end up challenging what everyone says as wrong if they don’t agree with your way of thinking. You will become bitter towards others and eventually towards yourself. You won’t believe that anything is possible because you shoot down every suggestion. This type of thinking doesn’t make people happy.

When you start to open yourself to others, you will learn more and be accepting of different beliefs. You will become enlightened when this happens.

To your success

Michael W

Feature photo used under CCO and available at https://pixabay.com/en/insecurity-fears-aversions-cube-1306280/