Negative thoughts can quietly erode your self-esteem, confidence and ability to move forward in life. They often come from a shaky sense of identity — when you’re unsure of who you are, what you stand for or what matters to you. Strengthening your sense of self isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about reconnecting with who you already are.
Before you can start to plan your success goals, there are many things that you need to understand before you can be sure that the goals you set are really the ones you want.
One of those things is to determine if there are any Limiting Beliefs that can stop you from actually achieving those goals.
I have a self-study Limiting Belief Program that you can go through to determine what your Limiting Beliefs are and how you can remove them.
You can read more and register for the program at Limiting Beliefs Program on my Confidence and Life Coaching website.
Start your journey on your path to success by identifying and removing your Limiting Beliefs so that you make the journey a lot easier.
You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life.
The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download
Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.
If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program.
This article walks through practical, real-world strategies to help you clarify your values, set boundaries, make better choices and create a healthier internal dialogue. The goal is simple: develop a more grounded, confident self so you can push back on the negative thoughts that hold you back.
Why Your Sense of Self Matters
Your sense of self is your internal foundation. It shapes how you make decisions, how you treat yourself and how you interact with others. When your self-identity is strong, you’re more likely to:
- Set clear goals
- Make decisions that align with your values
- Bounce back from failure
- Feel confident in your skin
But when your sense of self is fragile, you may find yourself overly influenced by others, anxious about your decisions or trapped in cycles of negative self-talk. This is why it’s crucial to know who you are, what matters to you, and how to stand firm in it.
1. Get Clear on Your Values
Values aren’t abstract buzzwords. They’re deeply personal beliefs that define how you want to live. They inform your priorities, decisions and relationships. The problem is, many people haven’t taken the time to identify what their values actually are.
Ask yourself:
- What traits do I admire in others?
- What behaviours make me feel proud?
- When do I feel most fulfilled?
You might discover values like honesty, curiosity, family, freedom or compassion. Once you’ve identified them, write them down. Seeing them on paper makes them more real — and more actionable. These values become your personal compass, helping you steer through tough decisions and avoid self-doubt.
Action Tip:
Create a “Top 5 Values” list and place it somewhere visible — your desk, your phone’s lock screen or inside your planner.
2. Make Decisions That Reflect You
Too often, people live on autopilot — saying yes to things out of guilt, going along with the crowd or doing what’s expected. But every time you ignore your gut or neglect your needs, your sense of self takes a hit.
Start practising assertiveness. This doesn’t mean being aggressive or selfish. It means honouring your own voice. It’s okay to choose what’s best for you, even if it disappoints someone else.
For example:
- If you’re an introvert, it’s fine to skip social events that drain you.
- If you value creativity, make time for hobbies even if they don’t earn money.
- If you need rest, say no without apology.
Owning your choices — big or small — builds trust with yourself.
Action Tip:
Next time you’re asked to do something, pause. Ask: Do I want to do this, or do I feel like I have to?
3. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Boundaries are not walls. They’re guidelines that protect your energy, time and mental well-being. People with a weak sense of self often say yes when they mean no, take on too much or tolerate behaviour that makes them uncomfortable.
A boundary can be as simple as:
- Not answering work emails after 6 p.m.
- Telling someone you need 24 hours to think before making a decision
- Refusing to engage in gossip or negativity
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. When you protect your limits, you reinforce that your needs matter. This deepens your self-respect, which is a core part of confidence.
Action Tip:
Write down one area of your life where you feel overextended. What’s one boundary you can set this week to protect your time or energy?
4. Reframe Your Self-Talk
You are with yourself 100% of the time, and how you talk to yourself matters more than you think. Negative thoughts are sneaky — they can sound like facts when they’re just fears.
Here are some common examples:
- “I always mess things up.”
- “I’m not as good as them.”
- “I’ll never succeed.”
These thoughts don’t define you. They reflect doubt, not truth. One powerful way to counter them is through positive affirmations. But not the cheesy kind that feel fake. Affirmations work best when they’re grounded in something real.
Try:
- “I’m learning and improving every day.”
- “I’ve handled challenges before, and I can do it again.”
- “I bring value to what I do.”
Say them daily — even if you don’t fully believe them yet. Over time, your brain starts to adjust.
Action Tip:
Write 3 affirmations that reflect your strengths or values. Repeat them out loud each morning for one week.
5. Stop Chasing Perfection
Many negative thoughts come from unrealistic standards. You compare yourself to others, beat yourself up over mistakes and feel like you’re never enough. But perfectionism is a moving target — you never really get there.
Instead, focus on progress. Every time you take a small step to honour your values or speak your truth, you’re reinforcing your identity.
- Did you say no when you usually would’ve said yes?
- Did you spend 30 minutes on a creative passion?
- Did you pause to challenge a critical thought?
That’s real growth. Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from consistently showing up as yourself, flaws and all.
Self-Discovery Is a Daily Practice
You don’t build a strong sense of self in a week. It’s a lifelong practice of checking in with yourself, making intentional choices and refusing to let negative thoughts call the shots.
The more you act in alignment with your values, speak up for your needs and treat yourself with respect, the stronger your internal foundation becomes. That foundation is what helps you handle challenges, set boundaries and build a life that actually feels like yours.
To talk about any aspect of success or working with a Life Coach to help you to achieve success, you can book a 30-minute call by clicking on the blue button below.
Don’t try to do all of this by yourself, ask and receive the guidance that can get you moving towards your own success.
Working together can help you overcome personal and professional barriers, ensuring you reach your highest potential.
Nothing happens until action is taken.
To your success.
Michael
P.S if you want to find out more about my programs just check out the site Confidence and Life Coaching
P.P.S. If you enjoy reading these articles on my blog, I have more books that have more of this type of information that you can find out more about at Books to Read. You can buy these ebooks at many on-line book stores. The links to the bookstores are at the link above.
P.P.P.S. You can download a free PDF containing five articles on Limiting Beliefs and how to overcome them and achieve things in your career and personal life.
The PDF can be downloaded here (and you don’t have to register or provide an email address) Limiting Beliefs Download
Download the file and go over the other material that you can find on the Confidence and Life Coaching website.
P.P.P.P.S. If you are ready to move even further into the process of Identifying and removing and replacing your Limiting Beliefs, you should consider my short Limiting Belief’s Coaching Program
Photo by Trang TRIEU on Unsplash
